


You, Strange as Angels

by Darcyfitz



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama & Romance, F/M, M/M, Prince Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-08 13:39:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11647677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darcyfitz/pseuds/Darcyfitz
Summary: Summary: The war is over. The First Order has fallen. The Resistance has prevailed. Kylo Ren is once again Ben Solo; trying to repay his debt to a shaken Republic, which started with killing Snoke. Everything is as it should be.So why are he and Rey so miserable?





	1. Spinning On That Dizzy Edge

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you will enjoy this two-part story. It's canon but AU as well, and my 'what if' scenario on how Kylo-Ben/Rey could confess their feelings. The title is based on lines from The Cure's Just Like Heaven.

To the casual observer, it looked like any other celebration on any other planet. 

There was music. Food. Fireworks. X-Wing fighters littering the airspace doing tricks and maneuvers that made the participants on the ground cheer and roar with pride. Laughter. Camaraderie. Dancing. Friendship. Endless flowing spirits that made the revelry even more pronounced. Thousands of people in fancy dress, enjoying freedom at last from an enemy that had too long waged war on the Galaxy. 

Yet as the flag of the First Order was dragged down from Senate buildings all over the Galaxy, and once again replaced with one of the Republic, it was clear that this was no ordinary celebration.

The First Order had fallen. News of their surrender had spread across the Galaxy like a fast moving sandstorm on Tatooine, infiltrating every corner. For the first time in over twenty years, the planets that were left unharmed by the First Order and their weapons of destruction breathed a much needed sigh of relief.

The end hadn’t come about easily. It had taken nearly two years of strategic planning and painstaking sacrifice to execute such a task. Many innocents had fallen in battle, some giving their lives willingly to shield others and some taken out by surprise. There were heavy casualties as there were in any war, on both sides. The suffering had increased exponentially for the Republic after the Hosnian System was annihilated. But with the destruction of Star Killer Base, they had joined forces even tighter with the remaining Star Systems to once and for all put an end to the First Order’s tyranny.

Having Luke Skywalker back in their midst certainly helped. 

As did Rey, whom Luke had trained to be a formidable Jedi Knight.

Yet for all of the deaths which occurred, none was more meaningful than the one which had died slow and painfully - Only to be reborn into the likeness of who he had once been, before he became one of the most dangerous and hated men in the Galaxy.

It was a warm spring day when the monster who was known as Kylo Ren perished, and Ben Solo once again took his place.

After Star Killer Base was destroyed, Kylo Ren’s life had fallen to pieces. His father was dead by his own hand, his spirit was torn asunder by not only the act of committing such an atrocity but by the grief of it that had weakened him, and his body had been torn to shreds by a girl who upon first laying eyes on her, knew would own him body and soul until his last breath. 

After she had bested him, leaving him in the snow to die, he wished fervently that he would have. He had assumed then that that was it. He was no longer for this world, and didn’t want to be. Everything had gone so horribly wrong, and he longed to call Rey back to finish the job. Yet no such wish occurred, as Hux and his men had rescued him upon Supreme Leader Snoke’s orders. 

He’d never forget that awful event as long as he lived. Lying in the snow, slowly bleeding to death, he stared off into the distance to where Rey had vanished. He could feel her Force signature, stronger now that she’d finally used the Force to her burgeoning but albeit limited potential. He could hear her sobs as she no doubt tried to revive her friend, the traitor. Could feel her heartbeat and hear her chaotic thoughts and her relief when the Millennium Falcon broke through the tree line to rescue them. 

Ren had closed his eyes then, the guilt of killing Han Solo washing over him like a tidal wave. He remembered Chewbacca’s scream before he’d fired the bow caster at him. He remembered Rey’s scream of ‘No’. He remembered letting go of Han’s arm and feeling his gravity fade as he fell into the abyss. And in his mind’s eye, he saw Rey give one anxious look back towards him as she boarded the Falcon. 

At first he had assumed it was to make sure that he hadn’t followed them to finish them off. As if he could, in his near death state. He would later find out that her motives weren’t that at all. She had actually been worried about him; guilty somehow for having to injure him and scared for him that he wouldn’t make it off the planet before it exploded. She felt regret for him, and his parent’s, and that things had taken such a grave turn for them all. She was grieved that the son of Han Solo, that she in just a couple of short days had come to view as a father figure, was now irrevocably lost. She had wondered if she and Ren could have perhaps been friends, under different circumstances…if he were good, if he were normal, that she might have let him train her in the ways of the Force as he had nearly begged her to allow him to do. 

But he wasn’t good…he wasn’t normal. At least, not then. 

When Hux had his men drag Ren aboard his shuttle, Ren was filled with despair. He didn’t want to be saved. Didn’t want to go on, and he had come close to begging Hux to finish him. At the time, he thought that he hadn’t because he didn’t want to give that slimy worm the satisfaction. Later he’d realize it wasn’t pride that prevented it, but the Force. He, Kylo Ren, was meant for something else. He was not meant to die yet, even though he had wanted to so badly.

The following months were a blur; a combination of hell, torture, and misery that he never awoke from. Cruel punishments from Snoke for his insolence and failure. Castigation and utmost chastisement in the form of mind control so severe, that Ren wondered at the end of each session if he were really alive or dead. His mind had played tricks on him; Snoke’s menacing whispers ever present and fracking his skull apart, trying to break him. Snide comments and shoddy treatment by General Hux for not only destroying his darling creation of that wretched Base, but for allowing that ‘scavenger garbage’ to bring down in one stroke everything they had worked so long for. And for what? Because he felt pity for her? 

Ren could feel the disgust the repulsive man held for him each time their eyes met. Honestly, Ren just wanted to kill him, using whatever means necessary. As he hadn’t had a lightsaber anymore since Rey had mangled his completely, he had to wait until his training was complete to construct a new one. When that day came, he feared what color it would be. And that was a thing Kylo Ren had never before worried about. A small part of him feared what his future held, if he continued to allow himself to be brainwashed and tortured by Snoke. Han’s words to him echoed in his mind at night, when he was blissfully alone without Snoke’s influence.

“He’s using you for your powers. Once he’s finished with you, he’ll crush you. You know it’s true.”

Bile rose in Ren’s throat each time he replayed those words, because at the time he had actually defended that abhorrent fiend to his father.

“No. The Supreme Leader is wise.”

Nothing but regret flooded his senses, hardening his heart as he turned that hatred that was ever present inward.

But the hardest part…cutting even deeper than the physical torture of Snoke, or the mind games with Hux, and the guilt over Han Solo…was the Force Bond that he had somehow formed with Rey.

It was like a small pebble in his boot, irritating and harsh. Each step he took only added to his discomfort, and he found himself lost and helpless against pushing her out. He didn’t know much at the time about Force Bonds, other than the usual explanation of that it was rare, and usually only between Master and Apprentice. He had no idea how deeply they ran. But one thing he did know, was that there was no severing them. Not even death could accomplish such a feat, and so he carried her within him everywhere he went. Each time the scar she’d left him with would tingle, he would feel her, hear her. It in itself became a torture that was far worse than Snoke’s.

He never referred to her in his mind as ‘the girl’ or ‘the scavenger’ any longer. She was Rey now. She had earned that right, that respect…when she had left him bloodied and battered because of her beautiful rage. Before that moment, when he had felt and saw his grandfather’s lightsaber coming towards him to slash his face, he had never seen true beauty. That young woman had reduced him to a pile of ash, and while outwardly he portrayed rage and hatred for her, inwardly he began to fall deeper under her spell. 

He grew to respect her. The compassion he had denied feeling for her at the time came barreling to the surface of his emotions, and a strange pride began to settle in for her. She was nobody. Yet she was quickly becoming somebody formidable. He secretly wondered how her training was coming along, as he knew by now she had found his uncle. He wondered if they would ever face each other again in battle, and he was ashamed to admit the prospect excited him. He had foolishly thought he could frighten her. Yet she was nearly his equal now in every way. He felt it. And he worked very hard to bury those feelings deep down from Snoke. 

He heard her words. Felt her emotions. Dreamed her dreams. And she reciprocated. Each day, their Bond grew stronger, nearly suffocating him with the Light she gave off. He wanted to recoil from it. Wanted to hate her. Curse her. Kill her. She had no right to be in his head, filling him with sunshine and hope. 

And then, his dreaded wish came to pass: his training was at an end. His new light saber was complete. It was still red, to Ren’s surprising anguish. Supreme Leader ordered him to take the Knights of Ren and hunt down Skywalker once and for all. In the process, he was to kill the girl. Period. No mercy. No deliberating. And if Ren had failed this test, he would suffer beyond his imagination. 

Snoke had debated about keeping the girl for all sorts of nefarious reasons; breeding her, so that she would give birth to the new Emperor of the Galaxy. Or perhaps making Kylo fight her to the death in his presence, so that she could take his place at Snoke’s feet. The worst of all, and quite possibly the thing that made Ren so sick that he had barely held himself together before returning to his quarters to vomit, was Snoke’s plan to turn her into one of the Knights and set her off on a killing spree of her own. He knew she had it in her, by the anger expressed due to their duel. Snoke laughed sinisterly as he considered the joy of watching so many innocents killed at the hands of the girl, tainting her soul and making her death itself.

Kylo could not allow that. It was the one thing that snapped him out of his self-absorbed pity party. Her light…her beautiful, magnificent light, would NOT be extinguished that way. He would kill anyone who tried to harm her or turn her into a monster. 

Even Snoke.

So when the time came for the order to be executed, and he arrived on Ahch-To with his Knights in tow, the tide had turned so dramatically that neither Luke – who looked on in a stupor as his nephew exited his shuttle and strode to Rey as though they were old friends- nor Rey could anticipate. 

He fell before her feet in supplication to bow, dropping his helmet and his lightsaber at his side.

“Please…help me. I can’t defeat him alone. I need your help.” He had begged, his face as open and as honest as he could make it. 

Rey had been stunned by the turn of events, and had gaped at him silently. While it was true that after months of sharing each other’s thoughts she had come to see him differently, she couldn’t help but be weary of his intentions. Especially since he had a whole battalion of trained warriors at his beck and call who were standing around them like sentinels. 

Yet his sincerity must have convinced Rey, because she had dropped to her knees across from him and placed a gentle hand upon his shoulder. 

“I’ll help you. We both will.” Rey had stated with conviction, her eyes turning towards Master Luke’s beseechingly. 

Luke’s eyes had traveled from Rey’s to Kylo’s, his brows narrowing in contemplation. He too must have found Kylo’s request genuine; for in the next instance Luke had cautiously approached his nephew, his heart still raw. But when their gazes locked, and Luke read his mind for what seemed like hours, the old Jedi had fallen to the earth next to his nephew and had hugged him tightly. 

There they had knelt - past, present, and future Jedi’s…past, present, and future pain…and the healing process had begun. 

“What have I done?” And “I deserve to die.” And “It’s too late for me.” Had echoed across the island, along with screams and wails and cries. 

A howling beast had been uncaged, years of torment and abuse being ripped out of his soul like an exorcism. 

He had vaguely remembered Rey standing by, crying silently as his uncle tended to him. She not only saw his anguish but experienced it firsthand through the Bond. He hated that she was suffering because of him, but he had taken comfort in the small fact that at least she knew he was being sincere. Repentant. Honest. 

When it was over, and he had rested for days after a slumber which took him in exhaustion, he had vowed to his uncle that he would make things right. He would start by begging his mother to forgive him, and helping her bring down the First Order. He knew he was a war criminal and should pay for his actions. But they needed him desperately, wanted him even more, and Leia could not execute her son, as hypocritical though it may be to allow him to live. The only people who knew his true identity anyway were Rey and Finn; Rey would never tell, and it took some convincing on Finn’s part. Kylo had, after all, nearly killed Finn.

What Luke never asked him, was what had brought about the transformation. For that, Ren was grateful. If he had to admit it was because of the prospect of losing Rey to the Dark Side, a prospect he at one time relished, he would have died of humiliation. 

Truly, he had once been so very powerful. And now, he had been brought to his knees by a young woman so full of light and hope that it blinded him. 

Ben snapped out of his musings as even more fireworks exploded over his head, and he turned his eyes skywards to watch the fading colors as they streaked across the sky.

The party was sure to go on until nearly dawn at the rate it was going, General Organa relenting on curfew now that the imminent threat had passed. These were adults, after all. And most of them had significant other’s that they were eager to be with celebrating. 

Ben’s eyes surveyed the partygoers with a strange feeling of envy. He had never learned how to relax and be in the moment, never allowed himself to feel contentment. It was as soothing as it was disturbing to watch so many people dancing, joking, and having fun together.  
He noticed suddenly that all around him, couples were hugging each other. Holding each other. Kissing each other…

He lowered his gaze, feeling a hot blush cover his cheeks. He felt so out of place in all of this, as though he were not allowed to be privy to it. He knew it was only his own conscience making him feel that way, yet it made him feel awkward and too big for his surroundings. 

As they always did, his dark eyes sought out the one thing that never failed to calm him, no matter what storms raged themselves through his life.

Rey.

He hadn’t seen her much in the last few days, since the conflict ended. Everyone was on an adrenalin high, yet many people simply were too exhausted from what had transpired and retired to rest. He felt it his duty to remain with his mother, uncle, and Chewie; there was much to be done to ensure the future of their hard won victory and so he stayed by Leia’s side as she discussed the next step with dignitaries. 

Rey, on the other hand, had been swept up with Finn, Poe, Rose and Jessika in the celebrations. Ben felt a twinge of hurt at first, knowing that she was with her friends and not him. But she had given him so much, sacrificed so much…that he couldn’t begrudge her this time with the people she had come to care for so very much. 

But their Bond was strong, and he felt her everywhere he went. Each night, she would reach to him or he to her, saying a soft ‘good night’ with their minds. He had no idea if she missed him as much as he missed her, but he felt that she did by the way her thoughts flickered to his every so often. Her mind caressing his was like an actual warm touch, and he reveled in it.

Finding her now, merely a few yards away from him, made him breathe a sigh of relief.

She was so very beautiful, that it took his breath away. Pensive and quiet, her hazel eyes scanning the area with much the same critique as his had done. As a person used to being alone, it was hard for her to be submerged in all of this noise and camaraderie. She smiled politely at partygoers and some of her Resistance friends, declining their offers to dance or join in. Ben felt like they were kindred spirits that way; two disparate souls who had so much in common and shared so many similarities. It frightened him sometimes, the depth of those similarities. He himself wanted to ask her to dance, but had no idea how to approach her and ask such a question. And the thought of holding her close in front of all of these people made his heart race with fear.

Would it always be this way? Was that to be his punishment; pining for something that he would never be deserving of? 

Ben sighed, closing his eyes. He wondered desperately what Rey was thinking right now...what she was feeling.  
*******************************************************************************************************************  
Rey sat at a large table adorned with the most beautiful flowers she had ever seen, and laden with fruits and various delicacies native to Naboo. She had to admit, this was the most beautiful planet that she’d ever seen or imagined. They were celebrating in the Capital city of Theed tonight, and it was a place that Rey had only read about in fairytales in holonets. 

Everything here bespoke of royalty, beauty, and elegance. She could clearly see how the General, or Princess rather…was borne of such a planet. The maternal bloodline which Luke and Leia descended from was a regal one, even if it were only due to a political decision. Rey knew that Padme Amidala was a beautiful and respected monarch, whose family was still held in the highest regard here. If only they had been able to grow up here, in this gorgeous environment. Rey knew that General Organa had grown up on Alderaan, but she could relate to Master Luke and his suffering on the desert world of Tatooine. 

Yet they could now take up their birthright and live here now, if they so chose to do, as could Leia’s offspring. 

Rey’s eyes flickered down the table at that thought, her eyes surreptitiously landing on Ben Solo.

It was strange, not thinking of him as Kylo Ren anymore. Even stranger calling him Ben. But he had redeemed himself in the eyes of his Uncle Luke. Most importantly, he had redeemed himself in the eyes of his Mother. And that brought a lump to Rey’s throat each time that she remembered that.

Again Rey focused on Ben, admiring the way his black wavy hair blew in the cool evening breeze. His amber eyes were focused on something on the table, and Rey noticed that whatever it was his fingers were also toying with it. She couldn’t see what it was from her vantage point, but he suddenly pocketed it and brought both of his hands to a clasp before him on the table. He looked distracted, but was smiling at whatever it was his companion was talking about.

He was speaking with Admiral Ackbar, or more precisely, the Admiral was speaking with him. She watched as Ben’s full lips parted before they stretched in a slight smile. He nodded once, his lashes sweeping low on his cheeks. Rey lost her breath as he turned slightly to face the Admiral, his eyes dancing in the bonfire light. He looked so young and happy. So…light. Nothing like the dark Warlord that had captured her in the Takodana forest so long ago.

The Admiral patted him on the back, before rising and taking his beverage with him. Ben continued to face her direction, but didn’t connect with her. She knew that he could feel her eyes on him; knew that through the Bond he could hear her thoughts as she stared at him. But he lowered his gaze back to the table, the smile a ghost on his lips as he took a drink and continued to look distracted.

Rey knew that it had taken him a lot of time to acclimate back into society. The last year had been difficult, both with his family and the Rebellion. But after Ben renounced the First Order and brought Snoke down in the process, she could see flickers of what he must have been like as a youth shining through.

Besides, Leia had stated that Han did not wish for his death to be in vain. 

Rey chewed her lip thoughtfully while she gazed at him. She wanted so badly to go over and sit with him, ask him to dance, perhaps. Finn and Poe were tearing a path in the middle of the square, along with Jessika and Rose. The entire company was enjoying themselves, yet she and Ben were sitting at a long table alone, miles apart in both distance and understanding. It pained her greatly, and she felt tears gather in her hazel eyes.

It was at that precise moment that Ben looked up, his dark eyes finally connecting with hers. He offered her a smile full of gentleness before the smile morphed into a frown. He had noticed her glassy eyes in the firelight, and she threw up her mental shields immediately so that he wouldn’t guess her thoughts. That only seemed to sadden him more. He was about to get up and go to her, when Poe Dameron came to sit beside him. Ben tried not to be annoyed, even as Finn went across the table and plopped down lazily next to Rey. 

She offered Finn a shy smile, before looking down at her lap. That little gesture unraveled a knot of jealousy that hid been festering inside of Ben forever. She had such an easy camaraderie with…Finn. Yet for him, even after all of this time and even with the intimate Force Bond they shared, she still treated him differently. Cautiously. Like he was a snake about to strike her, and she had to always been on her guard. 

It tore a gash into his heart, exiting through his soul. Perhaps he deserved it. But would he never stop feeling the pain of her rejection? 

Ben sighed as Poe settled in, closing his eyes as a wave of sadness washed over him. He wasn’t sure if it was his own, for a projection of Rey’s. But it hurt. 

Badly. 

He wondered, watching Finn and Rey quietly chatting, if he’d ruined his chance with her when he had kidnapped her. Maybe he never had a chance to begin with. That caused the knife to twist a little deeper. 

“Hey, Buddy. What are you doing moping here looking so morose? Why aren’t you joining in with the fun? If it weren’t for you, none of this would have been possible, you know.” Poe said seriously, patting Ben on the shoulder.

Ben smiled a tight lipped smile.

“If it weren’t for me, things might not have escalated to this degree to begin with. Don’t give me more credit than I deserve, Poe.” Ben said tersely, trying to keep the bitterness from his tone. 

While any victory they had been gifted with was triumphant, it still didn’t overshadow the fact that he helped create the First Order. It was only right that he had destroyed it. 

Poe sighed, pursing his lips. 

“Look, Ben. If anyone here knows what you were once capable of, it’s me.” 

Ben’s eyes shot to his at once, remorse and guilt buried deeply in their depths. Poe held up a hand in supplication.

“I’m not saying that to hurt you. Just to point out the obvious. Yeah, you did some terrible things. But you’ve paid your debt. You’ve come back home. You’ve made your mother very proud, and your uncle. You can’t go on torturing yourself, Ben.” Poe said reasonabley.

Ben snorted at Poe’s use of the word torture. It was fitting, really, and Ben wondered if Poe saw the irony.

“Besides,” Poe continued, reaching over to pour himself a glass of brandy. “Snoke and the First Order were around long before you. This would have happened with our without your input. They used you. But you broke free. I know some of your wounds and guilt run deep. But you need to forgive yourself. He did.” Poe said gently.

Ben gulped, his Adams apple bobbing. Somehow, Ben didn’t need to clarify who ‘he’ meant.

“What…how…”He began, but Poe cut him off.

“Rey told me. She told me how Han touched your cheek before he…well. He would have done anything for you, Ben. Anything. And in the end, he did. He sacrificed himself, because it was what you thought you needed. And that sacrifice wasn’t in vain. Take comfort in that.”

Poe rose, leisurely strolling over to where Rey and Finn were now deep in conversation. Ben eyed them with envy, wishing that he could have such a casual relationship with Rey.

Scratch that. He didn’t want a casual anything with Rey. He wanted…

Well, it mattered little what he wanted now. The war was over, and Rey was free to do what she pleased and go where she pleased. As a Jedi, she and Luke were going to scour the galaxy and find more Force Sensitives, in hope of bringing them here and helping them realize their gifts. 

Poe leaned down and whispered something in Finn’s ear that made him smile broadly. He turned and gave Rey a kiss on the crown of her head, getting up and linking arms with his boyfriend as they strolled back towards the festivities. 

And then, there were two.

Rey sighed, this time not shy as she looked across the table at Ben. He was watching her intently, his mouth opened slightly as though he wanted to say something to her. His lips moved, but Rey heard nothing through the Bond. It was late, and she was tired, and so very wound up. She needed to expel some of this energy before she collapsed, so she decided to head into the forest and do some forms. She rose from the table, picking up her staff saber and pulling the strap across her shoulders.

Ben followed her every move, his eyes greedily drinking her in. She offered him a small wave in greeting which seemed to startle him. His eyes widened and he clumsily waved back, tilting his head to study her. Rey turned away from his scrutiny and gave one last look towards the square overlooking the water where the last of the revelers were partying, noticing Luke and Leia hugging tightly and deep in conversation. 

Rey smiled sadly. Everything was as it should be. The rights had been wronged. She had done what her destiny entailed. She had found Luke Skywalker, she had trained to become a Jedi, she had helped defeat the First Order, and she had helped bring Ben Solo home which united the Skywalker family once again. They had each other. Finn and Poe had each other. 

But once again, Rey was alone. 

She had discovered on this discovery her true parentage, that of Obi-Wan Kenobi’s granddaughter. It had warmed and comforted her to know she came from practically Jedi royalty, but while she was happy at finally discovering her lineage, she mourned the fact that her parent’s were gone. They had been killed by the Empire shortly before the First Order rose to power. She had no one else in the galaxy now. 

Her job was done. Her destiny fulfilled. So why did she feel so empty? 

Her eyes swung back to Ben’s form, and she was startled to find the seat he had been occupying empty. He was gone. She looked around the veranda and the square, thinking perhaps he had gone to join his mother and uncle. But they were still chatting alone. A lick of jealously ran down her back as she imagined he might have melted into the crowd, finally choosing to dance with someone. She searched the dancefloor, but he was nowhere to be found. A deep, lacerating pain engulfed her then, cutting into her tender underbelly. Maybe he had found someone to finish out the evening with. Maybe he had only been polite, waiting patiently until she rose to leave before making his move. Force knew there were plenty of willing participants here that admired Ben. Lusted after Ben. Wanted Ben. For a split second, she almost opened up the Bond to see. But that would hurt her more than anything if it were true. 

Rey turned and fled the revelry with a heavy heart, not daring to run until she reached the forest.  
*********************************************************************************************************************  
Ben stood on the balcony of the palace, his thoughts not focused on the spectacle below but of Rey. She didn’t want to speak to him at all. That was clear from her behavior at the celebration. And he couldn’t blame her; not really. She had nearly lost her soul in battling to retrieve his back, a prize hard won. He still couldn’t believe the weight that lifted off of his shoulders at looking in the mirror and seeing Ben again. The veil of hatred and rage had been lifted, and it was all due to Rey.

She had kept her promise to him on Ahch-To, not only helping him grow stronger in the Force to defeat Snoke, but helping him find his true self again.

Ben sighed, closing his eyes.

'Open up your mind to me, Rey. Please. I feel so lost when you shut me out.' He murmured through the Bond, not sure if she was even listening. 

He heard nothing from her end, but he felt a grief radiating from her that made him crazy. He longed to go to her. Hold her. Finally tell her what had been in his heart for two long years. But she would never want him; not like he wanted her. She had tolerated their Bond because it was the only choice for her. She had kept him alive, because allowing him to die would have meant madness for her. And she had helped him, because it was for the good of the galaxy. Not because of any sentimentality on her part towards him.

Would she one day find a mate? Someone to love and cherish her the way she deserved? Would he have to hear her thoughts as she enjoyed her husband’s touch…made love to him? Would he have to suffer knowing another man was cherishing what should have been his, if he hadn’t once allowed himself to become a monster? Pleasuring her in a way that he could never hope to? Receiving her love in a way that he could never deserve?

That was going to be his true penance…Rey being forever lost to him.

Tears gathered in his eyes, and before he knew it they were dripping hotly down his cheeks. He ignored them, not even feeling worthy enough to wipe them away.

“Ben?”

Ben caught his breath, biting his lip harshly. He turned around, only to be staring in the kind blue eyes of his uncle.

“Uncle. Have you grown weary of celebrating?” Ben asked calmly, yet his voice shook.

Luke’s eye never left his nephew's, the look he was giving him shaking him to the core. Ben felt self-conscious as the tears continued to flow, exposing his shame even more. 

“I sense such turmoil in you. I knew you were struggling, and I was right. But I don’t feel anger or rage. I feel…helplessness. Pain. Please, Ben. Tell me what I can do.” Luke implored gently.

Their relationship, like his with his mother, had been frought with strain since he came back. 

“I…"

“It’s Rey.” Luke said. Not a question, but a statement.

Ben didn’t bother lying or trying to deny it. He met Luke’s eyes and simply nodded once.

Luke bit his lip, but otherwise gave no other movement.

“She is going through the same turmoil, you know.” Luke said matter-of-factly.

Ben found that hard to believe, in a way, judging by her cold demeanor towards him tonight. 

“She didn’t say a word to me tonight. I think now that her job is over, she knows that she doesn’t have to speak to me anymore. She’s fulfilled her promise. She owes me nothing else.” Ben said hollowly.

Luke rolled his eyes at Ben’s immaturity and dramatics.

“Ben…can’t you feel it? You were the strongest and most gifted of all of my student’s. Yet you lack the foresight to see what’s right in front of your eyes.” Luke said impatiently.

Ben gazed at him in confusion.

“What are you talking about?” Ben snapped.

Luke sighed thickly.

“Rey never considered helping you a debt that she owed Han. Or the Rebellion. Or anyone else in the galaxy, save for you. You, Ben. She did what she did for you.” Luke said quietly.

Ben’s mouth fell open in shock, unable to reply to his uncle’s statement. When the seconds ticked by and he couldn’t compose himself, Luke continued.

“Is it so hard to believe that someone could love you…even now?” Luke asked him seriously.

The statement hit Ben squarely in the chest. He finally found his voice.

“That…no. You are crazy, old man.” Ben said, the insult not sounding harsh but disbelieving. “Rey cannot stand the sight of me. She’s made that very clear on many occasions. No matter what good I do or how much I atone for my sins, to her I will always be nothing but a monster.”

Ben’s voice was so soft that Luke nearly didn’t catch the last part. He knew how grief stricken his nephew was once the reality of his actions set in. Patricide was nothing to thumb one’s nose at. But Luke knew how much of the blame for not only Han’s death but the deaths of anyone Kylo Ren killed was shared between he and his sister, as well as Han himself.

Luke closed his eyes, knowing that there was nothing any of them could do to go back and rewrite history. They were all pawns in a chess game that began thousands of years ago, and they were all thrown into the mix like mismatched ingredients. The most they could hope for now, was too live out their remaining years in peace and harmony with the rest of the galaxy. 

Opening his eyes, he thought of Master Obi-Wan. He had kept so many secrets from him, as well as from his first Padawan, Anakin. It seemed that all Jedi had their secrets, and for that, Luke knew it was time to rethink the rules. It was time for Jedi to be agents of comfort and hope, without imposing harsh impediments on their Master’s. A life of solitude was just that: lonely. Emotions weren’t a sin, merely how you channeled them. Anger wasn’t a sin; most of the time, it was justified when wrong doing was being inflicted. The old ways were dead and buried, and the future needed to be written. For that, he would need his nephew. 

And Rey Kenobi.

Ben’s attention was drawn further into the gardens much further from the promenade, as his eyes were focused on a lone figure there.  
So that’s where she had wandered off to earlier, Ben mused, relieved that she hadn’t left the planet yet without so much as a goodbye to him.

And the fact that she was alone bolstered his courage, if only a bit. 

It was no secret that there were at least a dozen young men he could name off the top of his head that were besotted with the young Jedi from Jakku. She had earned quite a reputation for being brave, heroic, and loyal. He himself could never repay her for her role in saving not only his life, but his soul.

And then there was the fact of her beauty. She was nearly twenty-two standard years now, and had grown into her skin in such a dynamic way that it humbled him at times. So far removed from that fresh faced young woman he’d encountered in that dense forest on Takodanna so long ago. Her beautiful hair had grown to rival his mother’s length now, falling down her back in a tumultuous waterfall. She normally kept it up in an intricate style for combat, but on those rare occasions he was gifted with spying it down, he nearly wept with pleasure at the sight of it. He longed to run his fingers through the silky strands, worshipping it.

Worshipping her. 

And her body…no longer was she a wisp of a thing, frail and thin. Good nutrition, hydration, proper medical care, and rest had completely transformed her into a lush, curvaceous woman. She was still slight in her own way, but watching her walk or dance or perform combat was a joy for him. She was like a poem in motion, graceful and powerful. Any man worthy enough could have her and die happy. Yet no man he knew was anywhere near worthy of her, least of all himself.

When she had left the celebration earlier, he had worried that there was somewhere who had caught her eye. Perhaps a young pilot or politician who had finally admitted his attraction to her, now that the war was over and their lives weren’t in constant jeopardy. Ben found his heart shattering as he imagined that happening, and that is why he had to leave the table tonight before she did. If he had watched her pair off with someone to end the evening together it would have killed him. What made matter’s worse, was that she had shut down her side of the bond. That made him worry even more that it was intentional, so that she could have her privacy without him eavesdropping on her.

Perhaps some things were not meant for the former Knight of Ren, as penance for his former crimes. Perhaps the beauty of Rey of Jakku was one of them. 

On his way upstairs through the palace, Ben had heard the giggles, laughs, and sighs of many couples as they held their own private parties of celebration. Being a Force sensitive, he could feel all range of emotions from them on this most glorious of nights, and they made him feel equal parts uncomfortable and envious. Passion, joy, happiness, love, lust, longing, mischief, dominance…they ran the gamut and his mind and heart felt overwhelmed. Mostly because he was alone, with no one to share the evening with. 

Tomorrow, they would begin to rebuild the Republic. The arduous task that was before them was a far off time. For now, it just felt nice to revel in the peace and happiness. And that is exactly what the residents of the Rebellion and the inhabitants of his Grandmother’s home planet were doing.

He’d made it to the top of the observation tower, intending to spend the night in one of the apartments there away from the populated residencies of the palace. It was quiet and secluded, perfect for a man that simply wanted to wallow in his loneliness away from prying eyes. Ben Solo, formerly Kylo Ren, was accustomed to being alone. 

Ben leaned up against a marble pillar, sighing as he looked out across the vast landscape of Theed. The entire Capital was lit up in celebration, and he knew the only thing that would squelch those lights was the dawn.

How had it come to this? He wondered sadly. How had he ever allowed Snoke to twist his mind and fray his soul? Perhaps if he had been a stronger man, he could have avoided so much anguish and bloodshed. Maybe if he had come home sooner, he might have spared countless lives that Snoke and General Hux had taken such great pleasure in destroying. He’d never wanted any of that. He had only wanted balance; in the Force, and in his life. He had come back, as any Prodigal Son does. He had killed Snoke, his actions uniting the galaxy. He had brought his father back to his mother, just as Han had brought Ben back to her. And yet…nothing seemed to be enough. He was still here alone, still all alone. 

Memories of his adolescence overwhelmed him, threatening to transport him back to that dark time of feeling so separated from everyone else. Over the last two years, it had been Rey to keep him grounded in the light, keep him feeling a part of something bigger than himself. Rey had kept the loneliness at bay. And now, Rey had shut down the bond on him, casting him into a strange sense of limbo. 

Who was he, if not Kylo Ren? Who was he, if he was not Ben Solo? Who was he, if not Master of the Knights of Ren?

'Talk to me, Rey. Come back to me. I beg you…'

And as it had been for days now, only silence met his plea’s.

“You are very distracted tonight, nephew. Did you not enjoy the celebrations down below?”

Ben closed his eyes, the sound of his Uncle’s gentle worry ringing in his ears like a mission bell.

“I did, Uncle. But I’ve grown tired. I’ve never really been one for revelry.” Ben said shortly, not turning around.

Luke smiled, folding his arms inside his robes.

“Yet there you stand, watching the revelry down there instead of retiring to sleep.” Luke said curiously, his shrewd blue eyes taking in his nephew’s tight posture.

Ben nodded his head slowly, still not turning to face his Uncle’s scrutiny.

“I am unable to fall asleep.” He murmured quietly.

Luke nodded, even though Ben couldn’t see.

“Do you think a tonic might help you?” Luke asked him with concern.

Ben shook his head in the negative. 

Luke sighed, taking a few steps closer to Ben. 

“We’re worried about you, Ben. You don’t seem like you’re very happy. After the last few days, that’s understandable. You’re exhausted, as we all are. But your mother is concerned. You seem very…withdrawn.” Luke hedged, not wanting to sound like Ben’s behavior was peculiar.

Ben turned around sharply, his dark eyes boring into Luke’s with stark accusation.

“If you have something to say Uncle…just say it.” Ben stated abruptly.

Luke folded his arms inside his robes, eyeing his nephew with pity.

“If you’re wondering whether or not I feel a dark presence emanating from you, I don’t. That’s not where the concern stems. It’s because I have watched you the last few days, and you look miserable. I knew that defeating Snoke would leave you with a strange sense of loss—“

Kylo cut Luke off with a raised palm.

“You think I’m unhappy because that…that…fiend is gone? Well I’m not. I’m ecstatic. And I don’t feel any sense of loss that he is gone. Quite the opposite. So you and my mother can take heart.” Ben bit out, his voice sounding equal parts resigned and hurt.

Luke put his real hand upon Ben’s shoulder gently.

“Nephew, I am on your side. I was simply stating that after everything you’ve been through, it’s okay to feel out of place. It will take some time to readjust yourself. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. You’ll never be alone again. I promise you,” Luke said with conviction, and for once…Ben believed him.

He nodded slowly, bowing his head.

“Thank you, Uncle.” Ben said solemnly.

Luke smiled, heartened to hear Ben’s voice sounding so much like the young padawan he once trained. He came to stand beside his nephew now at the balcony, his own eyes trained over the Capital and its celebration. 

“It certainly is a sight to behold.” Luke said with awe in his voice.

Ben didn’t have to ask him to what he was referring. But as his eyes traveled over the terrain in the distance, something caught his eye. Or rather, someone. Down in the impressive Palace gardens, doing forms with her saberstaff.

Kylo lost his breath, his body feeling slightly sluggish as he peered down to watch her. She was alone. Thank the Maker, she was alone. He instantly felt the pull to her, and wished so badly that he could fly off of this balcony and join her down below.

Beside him, Luke hummed softly. If he knew that Ben’s focus was now on Rey, he didn’t say. He turned a curious eye to his nephew, his gaze shifting from Ben to the Gardens and back again. 

“Would you consider staying here, Ben? You know that as the Crown Prince of Alderaan, you could take your place in the Senate and play a vital role in the reformation of the Republic. 

Ben gave his Uncle a pensive glance.

“Naboo is a beautiful place. I can see Grandmother’s influence here, everywhere I look. I was just thinking how beautiful the gardens look tonight.” He said absently, leaning against the railing of the balcony and tightening his grip on the cold marble. Even from this height, there was no mistaking Rey’s deft movements and her graceful arcs. 

Luke followed his gaze, unsurprised when he found it was Rey that Ben was watching so intently.

“I see that Rey is in the gardens doing forms. You could join her…seeing how you are also very awake.” Luke suggested, speaking up before Ben even realized how he’d known it was Rey he was so fixated on. But of course he knew. 

Luke knew everything.

“I…it’s late.” Ben said quietly, knowing that the moon was nearing its zenith in the sky now. The party was dying out down below, the smoke of the fireworks still filtering the air with their sulfuric smell. 

Luke arched a gray brow, considering.

“Even more reason to join her. It’s dark. A young woman should not be in the deep gardens alone, even on a night of celebration.” Luke said casually, folding his arms across his chest loosely.

Ben sighed, narrowing his eyes. His uncle was trying to bait him, and he knew it.

“The young woman in question can capture and pistol whip a battalion of Stormtroopers before they even knew what hit them. I doubt she would need my help.” Ben said dryly, his voice tinged with sadness.

Luke nodded sagely.

“Hmmm. Yes. You are correct. But you are also mistaken, nephew. Rey doesn’t need your help. But she does need you.” Luke said, this time his voice loosing it’s teasing edge. 

Ben sighed thickly, forcing the air out through too tight lungs.

“One thing that Rey does not need, is me.” He said bitterly.

Luke rolled his eyes.

“Nephew…why are you so blind?” Luke asked with exasperation.

Ben narrowed his eyes.

"I am not blind, Uncle. I know what I am. And I know what I'm not. And the one thing I am not...is a man that Rey could ever want."

Luke lowered his face in resignation, realizing that Ben had to come to terms with his conscience in his own time.

"As you wish, Ben. But...I still think you are mistaken." Luke said kindly, reaching out to pat his nephew on the back. "I'm going to bed. Sleep well."

Luke turned to leave and Ben watched him, feeling the weight of his Uncle's words settle on his shoulders. Turning back to the gardens, he continued to watch Rey for what seemed like hours.

"How could a flower ever love the rain that drowns it?" Ben said aloud, shaking his head.

**************************************************************************************************************  
Rey watched as the last of the X Wing fighters did maneuvers in the sky, making a last run in celebration before docking in the hangar. She knew Poe and Finn were among them, and she smiled for her friends. They would now bring their relationship out into the open, probably sharing quarters. Rey felt happy that they had found each other.

Her eyes heavenward, she absently spun her staff saber in form after form, trying to exhaust herself. She had been at this for nearly an hour now, and she was no more tired than she had trudged out here. Her eyes caught sight of the palace which loomed in the distance, knowing that Ben was probably in there asleep. 

Rey sighed heavily, the sound mournful. He was a Prince. The Prodigal Son returned. There was probably an entire harem of royals who wanted to snag him for a husband; the reformed First Order Knight who had come back to the Light. There were certainly many beautiful women at the celebration tonight who had made it known that they were not opposed to such a match. He had rebuffed every advance, but she wondered if he had merely done that for her benefit. She didn’t feel any interest radiating from him for anyone in particular, but that could have been for her benefit, too.

Rey felt a stab of pain in her midsection when she imagined him being married off one day, perhaps to a Queen or a Princess. It would no doubt bring further restoration to the Galaxy, having such an important Jedi form such an alliance with a peaceful monarchy. She would never regret risking her life to save him, even when Snoke had made it clear that he wanted her in exchange for the former Knight of Ren. She was a Kenobi, and therefore just as valuable if not more so. He was a Skywalker, and it was her duty as a Kenobi to save him. While her purpose in life was no less noble, it was he that must endure. It was he that would one day restore balance to the Force. 

She thought back to the first time she laid eyes on him, then Kylo Ren. So sure he was a creature, so sure he was some old, knarled, pitiful looking monster. How shocked she was to discover how wrong she had been. He was young, with tender features that belied his wrathful nature. Beautiful, yet deadly. Handsome, yet unaware. Deep as the ocean, yet full of rage and misplaced hatred. She had watched him blossom over the last two years into a man so much more beautiful than that of Kylo Ren. The man he was supposed to have become. Ben Solo commanded attention and respect, despite who he’d once been. And she had fallen in love with the man behind the mask, the tortured soul of a man who had never known love or felt acceptance. She had fought many battles with him, both as Kylo and as Ben, and now she didn’t know where one ended and the other began. 

He had come full circle, back to where he started, once again with a choice. And the choice he’d made had been the right one. For he was repenting of his sins, paying for his crimes. Helping restore what he’d once help tear down.

And one day she, little scavenger Rey of Jakku, would be amongst the spectators in the crowd as he traded nuptials with some palatial beauty, carrying on the Skywalker bloodline. Perhaps she would guard his new wife and child. Children. With raven colored hair, pale skin, and dark eyes. Loving him from afar, but never able to demonstrate it. 

Never able to admit it.

A loud sob escaped her lips at that thought, and she dropped to her haunches, breathless. Her staff fell from her hands, landing a few feet away with a loud clunk. She dug her gloved hands into the rich soil, her fingers tearing at anything she could touch. Shudders wracked her small frame as she knew that it was time to leave this place; perhaps spend some time on Coruscant before taking the Milenium Falcon and just disappearing somewhere quiet. What she could not imagine doing, was staying on this ethereal homeworld of Padme Amidala. It was where he would remain now, and she couldn’t bear to be here without being a part of his life.

Rey fell to her knees, burying her face in her small hands as she wept and wept, unaware that someone had come into the gardens and was standing in the shadows, watching her. 

Rey whimpered pitifully, and Ben had reached his breaking point. Coming out from his hiding place, he approached her slowly wondering how she hadn’t known he was there. She was so focused on her pain, grief, sadness…whatever it was, that her senses were completely drowned out.

“Rey?” He whispered softly, pulling back when Rey jumped to her feet so fast that she was a blur. She summoned her saber to her so quickly and ignited it that Ben had to duck.

“It’s only me.” He soothed, holding up a hand in surrender.

Rey looked at him, wide eyed and horrified. She could only imagine how she appeared, tear stained face and her hair a mess from the breeze as she’d practiced forms. But Ben didn’t seem to mind, as he gazed at her with a look that made her gulp. Trying to find her voice, she cleared her throat.

“W-What are you doing here? I thought you’d gone to bed.” She said feebly, disengaging her saber and clipping it to her waist.

Ben shuddered. It was the first time he’d heard her voice in two days, ever since the conflict had ended. 

“I couldn’t sleep.” He admitted softly, his eyes never leaving hers.

Rey wiped her eyes discreetly, but Ben wasn’t fooled. He frowned at her deeply when he saw the reflection of tears on her cheeks. He stepped forward rapidly, shocking Rey with how close he came to a halt in front of her.

“What is the matter, Sweetheart? Why are you so sad? And why have you shut me out? Have I…done something wrong?” Ben whispered, his eyes beseeching.

Rey blinked at him lazily.

Sweetheart?

“I…no. You did nothing wrong. I just have a lot on my mind.” Rey answered, and it wasn’t entirely untrue.

Ben nodded, releasing a shuddering breath. He realized his slip in calling Rey Sweetheart, and could have slapped himself.

“May I sit with you, or would you prefer to be alone?” Ben asked respectfully, folding his hands behind his back.

Rey peered up at him, his impressive height even more so as she was not wearing boots tonight which usually gave her height. He had always reminded her of a panther with his sleek black hair; ready to strike in his stealth. He carried himself on the battlefield and in the operations room alike with grace, a trait he must have inherited from Padme and Leia. 

In fact, he possessed so many feminine traits that it suddenly startled her. Soft, wavy hair. Youthful skin. Full, lush lips the color of rubies. Even his voice, while masculine and deep, held a timbre that could soothe as much as rattle. 

She wondered, idly, what he would have been like if the darkness hadn’t taken him at such a young age. As it was, he was trying to play catch up now.

“You may sit with me, of course. I was practicing forms earlier.” She said needlessly, motioning to her staff saber and breaking free of Ben’s dark eyes.

Ben smiled, his eyes softening as they gazed at her. Sitting down carefully beside her, he looked down at his hands. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, but he had no idea where to begin. Small talk was never Ben Solo’s forte; even less for Kylo Ren. Yet the words were there, just under the surface, and he was surprised when they came out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“So why can’t you sleep?”

Ben winced, happy for the darkness to cover his blush. 

Beside him, Rey shrugged but he missed it, still staring at anything but her.

“Why can’t you sleep?” She countered, her voice soft and curious.

Ben grinned, his brows crinkling at the way she always turned everything back on him.

“I asked you first.” He pointed out softly.

Rey sighed.

“I…I was restless. The last few days have been draining. The last few years. I just needed to expunge some mental energy and center my thoughts.” Rey admitted, happy to have given him some version of truth. At least, a part of the whole.  
She left out the part about her being jealous of the parade of women whom she feared would be chasing him down like a prize now, both real and imagined.

Ben nodded, humming softly. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe her, it was simply that she had looked extremely distressed when he arrived and he wondered if there were more to the story.

“Are you sure that’s all there is? Because…if you’d like to talk. If there is anything I can do to help…” He trailed off, feeling foolish.  
Rey closed her eyes, not liking the sound of Ben’s gentle voice. Scratch that: she liked it too much. That was what the problem was. She felt traitor tears form in her eyes, and she quickly blinked them away. 

She had no idea that Ben felt her distress so clearly, that his own eyes had begun to water. 

“I…like I said. I needed to burn some energy.”

Ben knew that pushing her was futile.

“Always on the move, Brave Rey. Always working, always fighting… Perhaps it’s time to just stop and smell the flowers for once. Maybe, it’s time to settle down and just…be happy.” He whispered affectionately. 

Rey held her breath. Stop and smell the flowers? Be happy, here? Watching him build a life with some beautiful woman while she remained a reclusive loner? 

No. 

It was time to move one. Time to start anew. Time to be alone once more, but without the added heartache of being so close to something that she would never possess. 

The thought manifested in her mind before she could stop it, and Ben’s soft smile faded while his face paled dramatically. He turned to face her, his eyes wide and so fearful that Rey gasped.

“You’re…you’re leaving? You’re leaving Naboo and m--us” He murmured, his deep voice cracking painfully. 

Rey was captivated by Ben’s penetrating gaze, boring into hers with something that made her shiver.

“I’ve thought about it. I’m not sure yet. I…I don’t know where my place is, where I belong.” Rey admitted, rubbing her arms to ward off the early morning chill.

Ben gasped at the fact that Rey felt so alone. Hadn’t he done everything in his power since this mess began with them to show her just how much he cared for her…how much he needed her? How much her bright light had changed him, brought him back to life? What hadn’t he said or done to show her how much he had grown to love her?

Steeling himself, Ben took her shoulders gently between his large hands.

“Your place, Rey…your place, is here. With us. With…me.” He said brokenly, his dark eyes intense.

Rey broke free of his gentle grip, jumping up. She began to pace the small area in a nervous frenzy. 

“I can’t stay here, Ben. You need to move on from all of this. You need to forget. It will be much easier for you to do that, to start over, if bad reminders of the past aren’t constantly plaguing you. 

Ben jumped up as well, taking a hold of her shoulders again to stop her frenetic pacing.

“Is that what you think you are to me, Rey? A bad reminder?” He asked her passionately.

Rey swallowed, daring to meet his eyes. What she saw in them terrified her. Who was this man? She had spent a year scared to death of him and another one working so closely with him that they very nearly breathed in sync. He had become so many titles to her; Enemy. Nemesis. Bond Mate. Friend. Comrade in Arms. Compatriot. Teacher. She had helped him bring down the scourge of the galaxy. She had brought him back home to his family. She had…she had…

She had fallen in love with him. 

This dark Prince, who could disarm her now with merely a look. It didn’t matter about the Force; that power was nothing in comparison with the heat of his gaze, when aimed right at her. 

But he was now returned to his rightful place in society, and his mother had high hopes for him to help rebuild the Republic. He was ten years her senior, and while it wasn’t much and mattered little to her, she couldn’t help but wonder if he still viewed her as a foolish girl…a desert rat. A child. 

Someone like him was way out of someone like hers league. She’d known it from the very first, when he had looked her up on down in the forest of Takodana and later…when he was questioning her and called her a scavenger. 

Rey met his gaze, taking a deep breath to steady herself.

“I…I am someone who will constantly remind you of what you were before. What you’ve lost.” She said helplessly, her eyes filling with tears. “You have a chance now to start fresh. Atone. You don’t need the past to weigh you down.” Rey said, trying and failing to keep her voice from trembling. 

This is not me. I don’t tremble. I’m not some foolhardy girl!

Ben shook his head vehemently.

“No, Rey. No. You are a constant reminder of what I’ve gained. Without you…” He broke off, his heart racing. “You…will you take a walk with me?” He whispered urgently.

Rey bit her lip, her eyes scanning the area. 

“Okay.” She whispered.

They walked side by side for a while, Kylo directing her as he followed a path laden with stones. The sky was beginning to change colors now; the dawn would be approaching in a couple of hours. Rey followed him silently, watching his profile in the muted light. He was so beautiful, that it hurt to look at him. Chiseled bones and raven colored hair and ruby red lips. Now and then he would turn and look down, meeting her eyes with that intensity that never failed to undo her. They arrived at a large domed structure, so deep now in the gardens that the tall palace wasn’t even visible any longer. Ben strode up the marble steps slowly, urging Rey to follow him by holding his hand out to help her. Without thought, she slipped her hand inside of his, and had to stifle a gasp at how big and warm it was.

When they arrived at the top, it opened up into a round rotunda housed a single marble crypt. Rey stood close to Ben as he led her over to it, squeezing her hand in reassuance.

“What…where are we?” Rey whispered, something about the place demanding respect.

Ben sighed, taking Rey’s hand that was still in his own and laying it on top of the crypt. He covered her hand with his.

“This is my grandmother’s crypt. Padme Amidala’s resting place.” Ben said reverently, closing his eyes.

Rey lost her breath for a moment, and she wasn’t sure if it was due to being here, or because Ben’s large hand covered her own. They didn’t touch much, but whenever they did, she could feel it in her soul.

“Oh…” Rey murmured, her eyes taking in the sacred place with awe.

There was a large marble statue of the former Queen off to the side, overlooking her crypt. Rey removed her hand from underneath Ben’s and tiptoed over to it, marveling at the likeness and how much Ben resembled her in both eyes and mouth. Unwittingly, Rey reached up and traced Padme’s mouth, realizing after a moment how bizarre she must have looked. Blushing, she turned around and met Ben’s curious but intense gaze.

He was staring at her oddly, like he had just figured out something of great import. His dark eyes had watched her movements, and Rey knew at that moment that she had given herself away with her actions. Rey found that she couldn’t look away from his gaze which pinned her there, much like when he had once used the Force to subdue her. Only now, she knew it wasn’t him making her paralyzed; it was her own actions. 

Ben leaned both of his palms on the crypt again, his eyes breaking away from Rey’s to stare down at intricate carvings on the marble. Rey watched the way his eyes softened and the muscles around them relaxed.

“My grandfather Anakin loved Padme. Obsessively. They met when he was 9 and she was 14. He didn’t see her again for ten years; he went to study with the Jedi and she continued her reign as Queen before becoming a Senator of Naboo. He was assigned to protect her when they met again, and neither could hide the attraction and love they held for each other. He wanted to give her everything. He sacrificed his soul so that she could live. He suffered nightmares and visions that she would die in childbirth, and he searched for a way to stop that from happening. As Emperor Palpatine knew Padme was Anakin’s weakness, and he was grooming him to become his apprentice…he lied to Anakin. He told him that he could help him find a way to save her, if only he joined him and became a Sith Lord. Yet when Anakin had done what he’d asked…unspeakable atrocities…he once again lied to him. He told Anakin that in his anger, he had killed Padme when she had tried to convince him to return to the Light. That wasn’t true. She lived after he force choked her and nearly killed her, but she died in childbirth because of a broken heart. Because her beloved Anakin was lost to her. He had fallen to the Dark side. That, in her mind, was worse than death. Not even the love for her children could save her. And on that day, the Skywalker’s suffered. Anakin ceased to be, turning into Darth Vader. His beloved wife Padme died, leaving behind a bitter Sith Lord who was convinced his love killed her, and their twin children were divided and scattered to opposite ends of the galaxy. Tragic, really. So, so tragic.” Ben whispered, his sad and emotional tale taking its toll on the former Master of Ren. 

Silent tears began to trek down his face, as Rey looked on in shock and amazement. 

She walked back over to his side, her eyes wandering his beautiful face and feeling an ache in her heart at all that he and his family had suffered because of their bloodline. Placing her palm over his, she marveled at his warmth.

“Why are you telling me this?” Rey asked, her voice trembling with sadness.

Ben looked up, and Rey could see a million emotions swarming in his dark eyes. Each one, combined with the feelings he was sending her through their bond, made her heart constrict. 

“I wanted you to know. Know my family’s history; know that as my Grandfather before me, I didn’t want a life of darkness for darkness’ sake. I just wanted to belong, Rey. I just wanted to feel loved. Wanted. I never did, not really. And I always assumed it was something that I did wrong; that I caused it. That I was bad, and that I deserved to feel pain. So when Snoke planted those seeds of doubt in my heart and mind, I was powerless to fight him. I was lost, Rey. I was so immersed in the darkness. But you found me. You barged into my life like a whirlwind, expelling the darkness. You sent me your Light. You saved me. From the first moment I heard that you existed, I knew that I was lost to you. I was on an even greater path to my destiny, and I didn’t even know it. Rey…you’ve given me everything. Just by being alive. Just by helping me. Trusting me. You brought me back from the brink. And I can never repay you for that.” Ben rasped, his lower lip trembling.

Rey gasped loudly, her body shaking from his confession. She looked stricken, and Ben panicked. He should have known telling her this truth would make her unhappy. But he had to let her know. It was time.

“I know…it must wound you to have a monster like me bound to you. But it isn’t just because of the Bond that I feel this way, Rey. It’s so much more than that. I wish, for your sake, that I could have spared you the pain of my feelings. But I can’t. I’m so sorry.” Ben said mournfully, mistaking the pain coming across the bond from her for disgust.

Realizing what Ben had assumed, Rey shook her head rapidly.

“N-No! I don’t feel that way. Not at all. And stop calling yourself a monster!” Rey rushed out, but Ben smiled sadly.

“You once said it yourself, Rey. And you were right. I was a monster. I wish I could erase my sins, Rey. I wish I could be worthy of you, and come to you blameless. Force knows, I’d do anything for you to look upon me without seeing the blood on my hands.” Ben said in agony.

Rey’s face fell. While it was true that she once had thought him to be a monster, her feelings had long since changed. Hadn’t she ever let him know this? Perhaps not. There hadn’t been much time lately to have heart to heart conversations. But it was clear that right now, it was imperative for them to do so. Ben turned away from the crypt, turning to walk slowly down the steps which led back to the garden. Rey ran after him, grabbing his hand firmly. He turned and looked at her, his eyes so wounded that Rey couldn’t take it.

“Ben…I…” Rey tried, but Ben hushed her with a finger to her lips.

“No need to explain, Sweetheart. I understand. And…I don’t blame you. You deserve someone whole. Someone who you can respect.” He whispered.

There it was again…Sweetheart. The two syllables touched Rey to her core, and she visibly shuddered. But it wasn’t merely with desire and love. It was with anger. She was angry at Ben, for not allowing her to speak. 

“Don’t tell me what I deserve. And don’t assume to know my feelings or what and whom I respect. Even with our Bond, you don’t fully understand me. If you did, then you would already know the truth.” Rey said defiantly. 

Ben’s eyes widened at her outburst, and she watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

She looked into his fathomless eyes at that, realizing that he was terrified. This big, broad, planet of a man was afraid of her. Or more accurately, of the power she wielded over him. Rey had often wondered how many women he had bedded in his past; it wasn’t a pleasant thought but the deeper her feelings towards him grew, the more she found herself wondering. He was a grown man, after all. And one that was immersed in the Dark side for so long that pleasures of any kind were no doubt tempting to him. The idea now that he had experienced carnal pleasures made her heart flutter and her stomach flip. She realized with sudden clarity that she hadn’t ever wanted to allow her mind to go down that dark path. 

But now…

Now, her jealousy and insecurity and fear of loneliness converged to form a cauldron of anxiety and despair. What in the world would a man like Ben Solo find attractive about her; a desert scavenger who had never even kissed a man? 

Ben hadn’t meant to infiltrate her thoughts just then, but she had literally pulled him inside with how loudly she was projecting her fears. What he saw there made his heart burst with both delight and relief. The former, because Rey had never been with another man. And the latter, because he had never been with another woman.

How was this even possible? He wondered in confusion. But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered, save for the fact that at least in this, he could come to her pure.

“Rey…I didn’t. I’ve never.” Ben whispered, looking both embarrassed and frightful at her judgement.

Rey’s mouth opened in a soundless gasp. She didn’t have to ask him to what he was referring. She stepped back a pace, but Ben tightened his grip on the hand of hers he still held. 

“You…but you’re thirty-one years old.” She whispered dumbly, her voice one of disbelief. “And you were Kylo Ren! I just assumed that you had many…lovers.” Rey whispered softly, the word making her blush.

Ben’s face fell, and he stepped back from her. So in her eyes, he had not only been a murderer and a monster, but a sex fiend as well. He supposed given his past, it was only natural to think that he usually…indulged. At least, with base instincts. How could he tell her that even though he tried to keep himself pure of body and free of entanglements of any kind, that doing something so intimate with another had never crossed his mind? He had treated his libido the way he had treated any other weakness. He squashed it. Killed it. 

“And…that makes me a freak of some kind? Being thirty-one and having never laid with a women?” He questioned carefully, the hurt clear in his deep voice.

Rey’s eyes widened dramatically at both his words and his confession. Hearing him spell it out for her like that did something strange to her insides. 

“No! Not at all. I…I’m just shocked is all. You can be very charming and…persuasive.” Rey admitted, her cheeks aflame.

Ben snorted bitterly in self deprication. 

“Charming. Restraining a young woman and stealing her thoughts is hardly charming.” He sneered, the venom aimed at himself as he couldn’t meet her gaze.

Rey absorbed that for a moment, her thoughts flickering to that awful day. She took her palm and placed it on his cheek, forcing him to face her.

“That was…a lifetime ago. So much has happened since, and…through the lens of time, I see things differently now than I did then.” Rey admitted quietly.

Ben’s eyes shot to hers, startled. Rey met his gaze, offering him a sad smile which touched him greatly.

“How so?” Ben asked tenderly. “What’s so different?”

Rey wrung her hands together for a moment, before hesitantly making her way over to him. 

“Well…you were so very lost then. You felt something in me; the Force I imagine. I think I’m the first person that you ever felt a connection with and it frightened you. You were so lonely. All of those words you pulled out of my thoughts and used against me…they were your thoughts, as well. I felt the darkness in you, but I also felt the light. You wanted so badly for me to understand you. And I did. Even then, I did. But now…” She trailed off, her voice full of tenderness.

Ben’s heart stuttered wildly in his chest. He feared his ribs would crack with the force of it.

“Now?” He murmured, desperate for her.

Rey smiled slightly, looking up to meet his gaze.

“Now…I love you.” Rey admitted.

Ben thought for certain that the ground was going to open up beneath his feet.

“You…you love me?” He whispered, his tone incredulous.

Rey nodded slowly.

“Yes, Ben. I love you. And I was afraid to admit that what I felt was what I feared. But…I can’t deny it anymore. I love you.”


	2. I Had To Make Her Glow

To the casual observer, it looked like any other strategy room meeting on any planet. 

There were dignitaries from all across the galaxy, come to pay homage to the Princess of Alderaan and her warrior son who had brought down the evil menace which had plagued them all for thirty-two years. There were hushes, and whispers, and bargains, and negotiations. There were nods and outcries of yay and nay, and hands raising in agreement and newfound friendship.

But as the war room in the palace grew ever more crowded, a spillover of inhabitants having to stand in the back of the room along the walls due to lack of seating, it was clear this was no ordinary assembly.

And as two new lover’s gazed at each other from across the massive marble table where the mother of one and the mentor to the other flanked either side of her, it was clear that the last twelve hours had indeed changed everything.

Ben Solo listened to the conversation going on around him in a daze, only mildly ashamed that he wasn’t paying full attention. No…there were other more delightful things to think about then trade routes, taxing issues, and abolishing slaving colonies. All of this would be dealt with swiftly and without much protest in the coming days. This meeting was simply a formality, to get everyone on the same page. 

Those in positions of power in the Resistance were no doubt exhausted from their prior evening’s shenanigans, and Ben felt a smidgen of sympathy for Poe and Finn as his gaze landed on them absently. He knew for a fact the couple had been celebrating into the early hours, as had the rest of the city. He himself was no stranger to lack of sleep, as something extraordinarily pleasing had indeed kept him wide awake until merely a few hours ago.

Surreptitiously swinging his eyes to his left, he looked over at Rey.

Dear, sweet, beautiful Rey. The light of his life, the flower of his heart. 

He could tell that she too was trying desperately to focus on the task at hand, but was failing miserably. Her thoughts and emotions kept bleeding into his, surrounding him in a sea of sunshine that both warmed him and left him wanting.

His Soulmate was doing her best to follow the proceedings, but her eyes kept straying to his. The blush that lit up her features made him want to stand up and yank her against him, capturing her lips in a kiss that would leave her breathless. His lips twitched as he imagined it, and so much more which had already transpired between them, which only made things worse as Rey’s eyes widened.

‘Stop that. You’re distracting me.’ She chided him, trying to sound stern but it came out breathless across the Bond.

He could feel her emotions spike as she too, was remembering last night. It made a giddy rush of joy surge through his blood and Ben smirked slightly, crinkling his eyes in equal parts humor and embarrassment.

‘I’m sorry, my Love. I can’t help myself. How do you expect me to concentrate on these mundane proceedings when you are but five feet away from me?’ He asked her huskily, drumming his fingers against the marble quietly as the rest of the assembly ignored him. They were too focused on Leia to pay any mind to the lovesick fool sitting beside her.

A quick glance to his right brought Ben face to face with Luke Skywalker. For a split second, the former Knight of Ren felt a surge of contriteness as Luke narrowed his eyes and swiped his fingers across his chin in study of his nephew.

Ben looked away swiftly. It was better not to allow his Uncle to read his wayward thoughts that were written clearly on his face. It was really all Luke’s fault for what had transpired. After all, it WAS the old Jedi Master’s advice to join Rey in the palace gardens. What did Luke think would happen once his nephew and Rey finally surrendered to their mutual feelings for each other? 

Ben smiled secretly as he remembered all that had transpired, and what was still to come. Hopefully tonight, once these tedious proceedings were over.

Rey huffed in her mind, the exasperated sound making Ben’s smile wider. He kept his eyes down, his besotted expression hidden from the object of his desire. 

‘You are impossible.’ She said, but her inner voice was no longer stern. It was tender and soft, and bordered on something that made Ben’s skin break out in a cold sweat. He had dreamt of hearing Rey address him so lovingly for two long years. The fact it had now come to pass was a precious gift.

Ben smiled secretly, his generous lips curving at how wonderful Rey made him feel…as though he were the only man in the galaxy. 

‘Impossible or not, I am yours,’ Ben answered simply, the voice in his head shaking with emotion. ‘And all I want to do is take you away from this room and show you how much I adore you. I can’t stop thinking about last night. The way you felt. The way you smelled. The way you tasted. I can still feel your touch on my skin like an imprint. What have you done to me, Rey?’ Ben’s voice echoed smoothly in Rey’s ears through time and space.

Rey’s gasp was drowned out as a Senator from Coruscant addressed Leia.

‘Look at me.’ Rey implored softly, and Ben was helpless to resist her plea.

Deep brown eyes met warm hazel, and it was like the rest of the room fell away. Rey bit her lip harshly as her gaze held Ben’s, and his answering smoldering look felt like it would burn the flesh from her bones.

‘No more than what you’ve done to me. You ARE mine, Ben Solo.’ Rey agreed through the Bond, the possessive tone in her voice making Ben’s skin prickle. 

He had no idea how he was going to make it through the day’s proceedings without being able to touch her. Hold her. Kiss every inch of her skin and make her cry out his name again. And again and again, until the sun came up. She was immersed so far inside of him now, that there was no getting her out. Not like he would ever try, anyway.

‘Rey…’ Ben thought dreamily, closing his eyes and letting himself drift as last night washed over him anew. He had a feeling he would remember that night until his dying breath. And even then, when he went forward into the unknown void and became one with the Force, he would still remember the sweet gift that was his Rey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben Solo had been born three times during the timeframe of his life. 

First, to his mother. Second, to Snoke. And third, to Rey.

He never belonged to his mother; not really. She was merely a vessel in which his body was transferred to the physical plane. He never belonged to that fiend Snoke, either…although both the monster and his own mind had tried to convince him otherwise. 

Yet Rey…when he had been reborn that day on Ahch-To and had woken up to find Rey gazing down at him with pitiable, soft eyes…he knew that all along his body, soul, and heart belonged to her. And long after he shed this body, her hold upon him would still remain. 

Rey’s confession that she loved him left him stunned. He could only gaze upon her with eyes shining from tears of disbelief, and ears which refused to comprehend her coveted words. It was his fondest, most treasured wish…to have the love of Rey. And not a love borne out of pity or obligation, but out of passion and devotion. 

Yet old insecurities barreled their way to the forefront of his emotions, questioning her words as much as he longed to believe them. 

“You…love me? How could you, after all that I’ve done? How can you forgive me? It’s all I want…all I’ve wanted since I first laid eyes on you. I was resigned to thinking that my feelings were unreciprocated and would remain that way. After all, it’s the least I deserve. But how could this be?” He asked brokenly, not daring to believe this wasn’t either a cruel joke or a beautiful dream in which he was about to wake from.

Rey took a step closer to him, so close that he could smell the jasmine perfume of the flowers in the garden on her skin. He took a nervous step back, needing to see her eyes entirely…needing to read the truth of her words on her face.

“I don’t know Ben. I just know that I do. Somehow, I’ve always known. But don’t you understand? That is why I must leave. I’m scared. Scared because I have nothing to offer you. How could a desert scavenger possibly deserve a future with royalty? I can’t stay here and watch you marry someone else. Someone more appropriate for you; someone more beautiful and who will be the mother of your children…continuing the Skywalker bloodline. I’m nobody, Ben. You’re a Prince. And that is simply the way it is. The fairytales that happen in holovids aren’t meant for someone like me. But they’re still possible for you. You have your family back. They will help you now. You will be the man that you were always meant to be, before Snoke took you away from your true destiny. I wish you nothing but happiness, because I love you and always will. But this…whatever this is? It wasn’t meant to be. It is better to just say goodbye now.” She said sadly, turning to leave Padme’s crypt in a flood of humiliated tears.

Ben gaped at her retreating form in shock for a moment before his legs caught up with his brain and he went barreling down the steps after her, forgetting about decorum in his haste to catch her. He skid to a stop on the steps below her, nearly falling to his knees in the process.

“Rey, stop. Please,” He yelped desperately, grabbing both of her forearms to stop her momentum. The force of the jolt when she came to a halt sent her careening against his chest. The shock of contact made them both gasp. He began to hyperventilate as a million things to say ran through his thoughts, and he felt Rey tremble in his grip.

“Let me go, Ben. We both know that this is for the best.” Rey said, her voice reedy and hollow.

Ben’s eyes grew wide as he gazed at her.

“For the best? You…you can’t say something like that to me and then just run off. Do you know how long I have ached to hear you say those words…telling me that you could somehow love me? You don’t think you are good enough? Are you crazy, Rey? It’s ME who is not good enough.” Ben thundered, his voice shaking from repressed anger and helplessness. 

Rey shook her head, tears clogging her throat.

“I don’t know what else to say, Ben. Maybe the Force brought us together for the sole purpose of defeating Snoke. I’ve done my duty as a Kenobi. The rest now is up to you. You will…one day you will find your true Bond mate. I was just sent to help you. And I’m glad that I did. I will never regret it.” She whispered, her voice full of pain.

Ben’s eyes grew dark and wild at her dismissive tone, as though she were already gone. 

“Stop it! Stop acting as though this is goodbye! This is NOT goodbye. Any future without you is just wrong!” Ben yelled, gripping her biceps gently and shaking her.

Rey trembled in his grasp, her eyes locked helplessly onto his. 

“I’ve dreamt of you my entire life, Rey. When I realized who you were and what you meant to me…not just to Kylo Ren but to ME, the REAL me, the man that I thought I had destroyed and buried…I wanted that man back. If for no other reason, than to be deserving of you. Listen to me for a change you stubborn, amazing girl.” He ordered softly, lowering his tall frame slightly so that he was staring levelly into her eyes. 

Rey’s eyes were swimming with tears, the pain in them killing him slowly. This had to stop; this cat and mouse game of tip toeing around what they both wanted. They were meant to be together, in every possible way. The Force had seen to that, bringing them together clandestinely. 

“But…I’m not of royal blood. After all is said and done, you are. Your legacy—“

Ben cupped Rey’s cheeks tenderly, cutting off her rant.

“I HAVE no legacy without you, Rey. None at all. You are my balance. You are the light to my darkness, and the darkness to my light. Without you…I’m nothing. Can’t you see that?” Ben whispered.

Rey whimpered, Ben’s words finally sinking in. She reached up and cupped Ben’s cheek in turn, tears rolling down her face.

“Rey…I love you so much that I am dying inside without you. Can’t you see that? Don’t you feel it? Don’t you understand what you mean to me? Tell me that you do.” He begged her, searching her eyes for any sign of belief.

Rey’s face crumpled in agony. He could see that she wanted to believe, so badly. But being abandoned as a child and a lifetime of neglect had hardened her to the belief she was worth the love she so richly deserved. 

“But why? Why do you love me, Ben? I’m just a scavenger.” Rey cried, her tears flowing faster now.

Ben had had enough of her belittling herself. Reaching up, he tenderly wiped her tears away.

“You are not JUST anything, Rey. You are EVERYTHING. Do you hear me? You’re everything to me. You're good, and pure and kind. You are strong and fierce...loyal and brave. You are the most magnificent creature I have ever encountered. I would just as soon turn my lightsaber upon myself than marry someone else whom I did not love. There is no one else in this galaxy who will ever compare to you...no one else I will ever share my life…share my heart, my soul, my bed with…only you, Rey. Only you. If you’ll have me. If you’ll take me, after everything I’ve done. Please, don’t leave me now. I’ve just found you, after a lifetime of searching. I can’t let you go. I can’t.” He begged pitifully, falling to his knees on the steps before her and wrapping his massive arms around her waist.

Rey whimpered, leaning her trembling hands down to place them on Ben’s head. The feel of her fingers running through his thick tresses made him tremble and he leaned forward to rest his cheek against her belly. He burrowed his face against her softness, shudders wracking his powerful body as he wept against her. 

Rey closed her eyes, the pleasure of having Ben so close to her stealing her breath. She inhaled sharply, the air escaping her lungs in tiny pants.

“I won’t leave you, Ben. I didn’t want to. I swear I didn’t. I was just afraid.” Rey admitted, her fingers combing back his hair from his forehead.

Ben leaned back, gazing up at Rey with shining eyes.

“I’m afraid, too. Because I’ve somehow always known that you were meant to be mine, Rey. I saw you in my dreams. So long ago, when I was still me. Before…and then, even after…you never left. I’ve chased you for so long. I’ve wanted you by my side. I’ve loved you in secret. I want to love you in the open…give you everything that you deserve. I will never leave you. Never abandon you like the others have. I will always come back for you, Sweetheart. No matter what it takes or what it costs me.” Ben swore fiercely. 

Those words, spoken to Rey in her memories…they were never her parent’s telling her that. It wasn’t a memory. It was a premonition. It was the Force, guiding her to Ben Solo. To this moment.

Realization dawned on her as her mouth fell open and she stared at Ben in shock.

“It was you. It was always you. The voice in my head…the face in my dreams. You.” Rey whispered shakily.

A tear slipped down Ben’s cheek as he gazed right through Rey, to touch her very soul. Rey saw everything in his eyes at that moment; their past, their present, and their future. She and Ben had a beautiful future waiting for them, if only she would believe. And she would. 

“Me.” Ben agreed, tightening his grip upon Rey’s waist.

Unable to bear the temptation any longer, Rey dropped to her knees and captured Ben’s lips in a fierce kiss. Ben swayed under the impact of her passionate assault, releasing a moan that could have awakened the dead. He gained enough presence of mind to pull Rey against him, cradling her head as his lips feverously brushed against hers again and again. It felt like coming upon a cool pond oasis in the scorching desert for both of them. Rey’s lips were soft and yielding, promising untold delights which Ben couldn’t wait to savor. The marble steps beneath their knees was cold and unforgiving, but neither seemed to care.

“I’m sorry. So, so sorry for every terrible atrocity I’ve committed. For every failing, every death. I can never take that back. Never come to you without blood on my hands. I know I am not worthy of you. But you are my only hope, beautiful Rey. I am nothing without you; a mere shell. Say you’ll have me. Say you want me. Please.” Ben begged against her lips.

Rey began weeping in earnest, lowering Ben’s head against her chest lovingly. Her tortured, beautiful warlord. He had always and will continue to fight so many demons. She would kill anyone who tried to take him from her again, or attempt to snuff out his amazing light that deserved to be seen. She had forgiven him long ago for his crimes, knowing he had been tormented and brainwashed. He needed to forgive himself. And hopefully he would, with her help and love.

“Yes, Ben. I’ll have you. Force, I want you. So much. I always have. I love you.” Rey admitted softly, a confession as well as an affirmation.

Ben lifted his head, his gaze a mixture of relief and awe as his eyes devoured her. 

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Ben asked her timidly, his dark eyes looking so hopeful. 

Rey gasped, her eyes growing heavy at the implications of his question. 

“Yes.” Rey whispered, her eyes shining happiness that was too much for Ben to take.

He leaned forward, capturing her lips again. She tasted delicious, just as he’d imagined she would. Sunlight, goodness, and Rey. Distinctively Rey, pure and wonderful.

Ben rose on shaky legs, bending at the knees to sweep Rey up into his arms. Her first reaction had been one of shock, but a strange and familiar feeling had begun to take root in her soul as he began to carry her towards the palace. 

Ben cradled her against his chest, leaning over every few steps to place kisses on her lips. Her cheeks. Her forehead. 

“Are you going to carry me the entire way back to the palace? How will that look to people?” Rey asked playfully, thrilling Ben when she slipped her arms around his neck to hold onto him more securely. She nuzzled her face into his neck, inhaling his masculine scent and released a contented hum.

Ben sighed, his breath growing shallow at the feeling of Rey’s skin so close to his own.

The party which had begun to wind down only held a few revelers now, too intoxicated with drink and happiness to notice the couple as they approached the palace steps.

I am. And I could care less what anyone thinks about it. You’re here with me. You’re mine. The galaxy could burn down and everything would still be alright.” Ben murmured huskily, leaning down to nuzzle Rey’s neck in turn.   
This reminded him of another time, another place…when they were enemies and he had desperately, despite everything, wanted to hold her. He had carried her then too, whisking her away aboard his shuttle. So much had changed since then, but his love for her had only grown into a separate entity. Once quiet and tentative, it now blazed out of control. He was afraid to name it then; wouldn’t have even dared to try. But now…

He made his way to one of the lifts, stepping in and hitting the button for the top floor. The ride up to the observation tower was silent as the young would be lovers nuzzled each other gently.

“Where is your mother?” Rey asked quietly, breaking the peaceful bubble they were immersed in.

“I don’t know.” Ben answered honestly.

Rey nodded, biting her lip.

“Where is Master Luke?” Rey asked, once again her voice timid.

Ben had tried to focus on his Uncle’s Force signature, but he came up blank. Wherever the old wizard was, it was nowhere close.

“My Mother and Uncle are not close by, Rey. We are alone here. No one will be disturbing us tonight.” He murmured, his voice full of promise.

A delicious thrill raced up Rey’s spine as the door opened to a luxurious suite which was obviously Ben’s quarters. 

Ben stepped out, not releasing Rey as he slowly made his way to his sleeping chambers. It wasn’t until he entered the room and shut the door with his foot that he set her down gently upon her feet. The room was dark, save for the moonlight filtering in from the massive open balcony that looked down upon the city. Ben stood in front of Rey, taking her in hungrily before he walked in a slow circle around her.

“I want to see your hair.” Ben admitted, his eyes roaming her face lovingly. “May I take it down?”  
Rey nodded silently, her throat flexing as she gulped. The action made Ben smile. He tenderly undid the ties which held up Rey’s intricate style. As her chestnut colored tresses came free and tumbled down to first her shoulders and then her back, Ben sighed heavily and reached out a shaking hand to bury his fingers in their plush softness.

“So much beauty…so much perfection.” He whispered, his fingers trailing down the strands which reached her mid back. There was a sliver of skin showing between her silk tunic and her skirt, and Ben caressed it with a ghostlike touch.

Rey shivered, her belly contracting under his fingers. 

“I’ve never…no one has ever…” She trailed off, looking down shyly.

Ben placed a gentle hand under her chin, forcing Rey to look up at him.

“Neither have I.” He confessed reassuringly.

Rey nodded, looking away.

“I’m a little frightened, Ben. I don’t know what I have to do.” She admitted quietly.

Ben hadn’t thought he could love her more, but he was wrong. Her sweetness and gentility called to him like a siren call and he was powerless to resist her.

“Then…we can learn together. I’ve never done this before, either. But I do know something, Rey.” Ben said with conviction.

The strength and courage in his voice gave Rey courage, too.

“What’s that?” She asked, her hazel eyes wide.

Ben smiled softly, leaning forward to kiss her forehead with tenderness.

“I know that tonight, I will love you like no one has ever loved another. I know that you will feel wanted. Cherished. Special. Sated. And if you don’t…then we will do it again and again until you do.” Ben whispered huskily, his big hands sliding down her neck to lay hold of the buttons of her tunic.

“Oh, Stars.” Rey whimpered, falling forward to lay her head upon Ben’s shoulder as he opened the buttons one by one down to the waist.

“I want to see you. Every inch of your body that has haunted me since I first saw you. May I?” Ben asked, his voice tender and pleading. He trailed his fingertips lower until they brushed the tender skin of her lower back. She was soft as silk, warm skin tan from the sun. He wanted to caress every part of her.

Rey could only nod, leaning into his touch and allowing him to slip his hands inside her garment. When he ran his large hands over the heated skin of her waist and then around to her stomach, Rey bit out a harsh groan. 

“Please…” Rey cried out, and Ben was only too happy to oblige her.

“Anything.” Ben answered, bringing his hands up and taking the tunic with them to pull the silk over her head gently. She was bare underneath, and Ben stood back to admire the beauty before him.

Her breasts were perfect; small but round, with little pink nipples that were begging for his touch and his mouth. He had never touched a woman there, and didn’t want to hurt her. He was a big man, and Rey seemed so small and vulnerable before him now; not the fierce warrior that had left him bleeding in the snow two years ago. Now, she was just a lovely girl…standing before him wanting him as badly as he wanted her.

“You’re so beautiful, Rey. So beautiful.” He chanted, leaning down to kiss her lips softly. Rey tilted her head back to receive his gift, whimpering as he pulled her against him and ran his fingers down her bare back. 

She opened up her mouth to him, and Ben was enchanted when her silky tongue swept across his bottom lip experimentally. He tried to reign in his growing desire for her, but the feel of her in his arms was proving to be a challenge. Sinking his teeth into her lower lip, he moaned when Rey whimpered into his mouth.

“You’re trembling. Please don’t be afraid of me.” He murmured, leaving her mouth to blaze a trail down her throat. He lingered on her carotid artery, suckling her there for a moment as he felt her pulse spike. A rush of heat bloomed in his belly at her reaction, as did a rush of blood to his manhood when Rey moved closer and pressed her hardened nipples against his chest. He could feel her through the thin cotton of his dress tunic, and the feeling sent his brain spinning. 

“I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid of…me.” Rey confessed in a whisper.

Ben pulled back to gaze down at her flushed face.

“Why are you afraid, Sweetheart?” He asked tenderly.

Rey swallowed, her face blushing beautifully. Ben was enchanted to see the color reach all the way to her chest. It only racheted up his desire tenfold.

“Because I…I’ve wanted you for so long. Wanted this. And now…” She trailed off, lowering her eyes shyly.

Ben gazed at this lovely creature, his heart near to bursting. Of course she was afraid. She was pure, and feeling things she might never have felt before. The journey they were embarking on was new to both of them.

“Would it help to know that I am just as frightened, Rey? I’ve never shared myself this way with anyone. Thank the Force, I saved myself for you. I want to give you everything. A home. Love. Acceptance. Pleasure. All you have to do Rey, is accept it. Take it. You already own my heart and soul. Take my body, and do with it as you please.” Ben said passionately.

Giving Rey free reign to do as she pleased was dangerous. He could read in her thoughts through the Bond what she desired, and it made him swallow thickly. 

“Anything.” He promised again, feeling dizzy when Rey reached out to grip the hem of his tunic.

“May I take this off?” She whispered.

“Yes.” Ben rasped, the idea of Rey seeing his myriad of scars momentarily frightening him. 

She’d tended to his wounds over the last year of battling together with him, even healed him a few times. But that was different. Then, she was gazing at him as a fighting partner; a comrade. Not as a lover. He knew that for all of his perfections where his physique was concerned, he was marred by scars and imperfections. 

Rey lifted the tunic over his head, mussing his beautiful thick hair in the process. She smiled lovingly as his wavy hair was left disheveled in the garment’s wake. But her eyes were more concerned with what she was uncovering. She reached out and placed both hands upon his taut skin, running her fingertips up and down his pecs with a barely there touch that made Ben moan. 

“Touch me, too.” Rey whispered, encouraging Ben to lay his hands upon her own aching flesh. 

He reached out hesitantly and cupped her breasts, marveling at their size and weight. They fit in the palms of his hands perfectly, sending a jolt of desire through his groin that made him lose his breath.

“Oh, Rey.” He murmured reverently, unable to help himself. He leaned down, taking one rosy peaked nipple into his hot, wet mouth. He sucked gently, marveling at how the nub grew even tighter with his ministrations.

Rey whimpered, swaying against him. She squeezed one of his own nipples with her thumb and forefinger, the other hand sliding down caress his rippled abs.

Ben growled when Rey’s hand strayed closer to his waistline, his tongue swiping across Rey’s peak before his teeth gently bit down. He felt all of the blood in his body rushing south, hardening his flesh to an unbearable degree from Rey’s novice touch. Releasing her nipple with a wet pop, he cupped it her breast and ran his thumb over the tip before moving over to the other one. Her body was softening under his touch, her little mewls of delight fueling his passion. 

‘You feel amazing. I want to feel you everywhere.’ Rey said through the Bond, moaning when Ben responded by sliding his hands down to her backside and yanking her against the thick bulge of his arousal.

“Everywhere?” He answered her aloud, his voice oozing sin and playfulness. 

“Hmm.” Rey keened, her eyes flying open when he rubbed his pelvis against hers. She was wearing a silky skirt which came below her ankles, and the delicious friction he was creating made her shudder.

“Everywhere.” Rey affirmed, taking Ben’s hand and laying it upon the release of her skirt.

Ben looked down at her through his dark lashes, knowing there would be no going back from this.

"You look so beautiful tonight. I've never seen you dressed like this before." Ben whispered, the unspoken question hovering between them like mist.

Rey smiled up at Ben softly, her fingers gently tracing her scar on his cheek.

"I dressed up for you tonight." Rey confessed quietly. "I wanted to look pretty for you. If only once. So you would know that underneath all of that sand and grit was a woman." 

Ben's mouth opened soundlessly, his eyes filling with tears. He cupped her face in his hands, leaning his forehead against hers.

"Oh, Rey. I've always known. Don't you know how much you have enchanted me? You have nothing to prove to me, Sweetheart. I am so deeply in love with you that I see nothing else." Ben whispered tenderly.

Rey smiled tremulously, as though she had been waiting to hear those words forever.

Sliding down to his knees before her, Ben lowered the zipper slowly. Inch by inch her silky, toned skin was revealed to his adoring gaze. He pulled the skirt down, leaving her clad in a small pair of panties that hid her secrets from his sight. 

“May I?” He asked her huskily, needing her verbal permission to remove this final barrier. 

Rey nodded.

Ben looped his thumbs inside of the silk at her hipbones, sliding them down the outline of them until her reached between her legs. Rey jolted forward, reaching her hand out to steady herself. One hand flew to Ben’s shoulder, the other planted in his hair roughly. 

The thin strip of silk between her thighs was drenched, and Ben touched it in fascination. This beautiful Goddess was aroused because of him. It boggled his mind.

His fingers slid against her hot flesh slowly, feeling her. Learning her. Silky wetness coated his digits. The scrap of silk had to go. He yanked it down as gently as he could, helping Rey step out of them.

Without thinking twice, Ben leaned forward and buried his mouth in her wetness. He lapped at her slowly, enjoying the texture of the rough nub of her clitoris in contrast to the velvety smoothness of her labia. The taste of her was divine; foreign and rich.

Both of her hands fisted Ben’s thick hair now, pulling him closer to her weeping flesh. Ben licked a path up her womanhood in leisurely strokes, before plunging his long tongue into her tightness.

“Ben. Ben…” Rey whimpered, unashamed with her wanton purring and the fact she was rubbing her wetness against his face wantonly.

‘I’ve dreamed of this forever.’ Ben whispered through the Bond, one hand wandering up to caress her breast while the other joined his mouth in delivering rapture to her. He used his fingers to stroke her clit as he continued to thrust into her with his tongue, alternating the action by suckling her clit and sliding his fingers gently inside of her. She was tight, and he was gentle. But the foreign feeling of his large fingers inside of her made Rey cry out as he stretched her.

“Beautiful Rey…there is nothing I wouldn’t give you.” Ben promised, his words muffled by her flesh which was soaking now. Her wetness coated his face and ran down his chin, making him feel possessive and bold.

He’d never engaged in this act before, but he’d seen it done. In holovids, in cheap novels that he’d read as a youth…hiding them from his parent’s and his uncle. His father would have understood, His mother and uncle, he wasn’t so sure.

In his entire life, no one had ever stirred him enough to even think of committing such an act. Until Rey. He wanted to bring her pleasure beyond comprehension. 

Redoubling his efforts, Ben sucked her tight bud into his mouth and applied pressure until Rey began to whimper. His tongue stroked her as his lips caressed, kissing her slick lips like they were her mouth. 

“Ben. Oh…” Rey sighed, her body not able to hold itself up anymore as the pleasure was mounting. 

She was reaching her pinnacle. He could hear it in her voice, taste it in her pleasure. Her small hands were grabbing for purchase in his hair and on his shoulders. Ben felt a delicious thrill run down his spine as he reveled in the fact he was doing this to her. He felt the tension in her ready to snap, like a durasteel wall that had been charged with explosives. The bed in Ben’s quarters was large and plush, befitting royalty. Ben steered Rey around and gently laid her down upon the myriad of pillows, raising her hips as he looked down on her with longing.

“I want to remember you like this forever.” He said tenderly. “Laid out for me like a bountiful buffet for my eyes to devour and my body to worship.” Ben said passionately.

“Oh, Ben. I love you.” Rey whispered.

Ben gazed at Rey with immeasurable devotion. 

“I will love you until the end of my days, Rey.” Ben affirmed.

He returned to his earlier ministrations, determined to make her cry out his name. His lips and tongue caressed her until all reasoning fled, Ben having to hold her down as she came in a torrent of cries and thrashing. He thrust his tongue deep inside of her one last time as his nose toyed with her clit.

“Ben...gods." Rey keened helplessly.

Ben smiled against her, closing his eyes. This, was right. This, was his. Only his.

“That’s it, my love. Yes.” Ben coaxed her gently, celebrating in her pleasure.

Rey panted heavily as her soul returned to her body, her heartbeat slowing eventually as Ben laid kisses upon her stomach and hips.

Rey pulled Ben up to kiss him, cradling him against her. In one swift movement, Rey rolled them over and switched their position until she was straddling him. Ben threw his head back against the pillows, his long legs stretching pleasurably as Rey rubbed her body against his pelvis, riding out the aftershocks of her orgasm. Her wetness left the area above his straining flesh soaked. She rocked back and forth upon his hardness slowly, seemingly unconcerned with her nakedness.

“Gods, Rey. What are you doing to me?” He slurred, his pupil’s carbon black as he watched her intently.

Rey moaned as Ben’s hands cupped her ass cheeks, molding her against his hips. He was achingly hard now, desperate for her touch. Yet it was her next words which sent him into a frenzy, so unexpected but so welcomed.

“Finally taking what’s mine.” Rey answered simply, sending an image to Ben through their Bond of the moment that she awoke on that interrogation table and saw his face for the first time. 

It stunned him to see how much she had wanted him even then, confused and ashamed about her burgeoning feelings for what she perceived as a monster. He read the truth in her eyes, not even needing to read her thoughts.

“I wanted you long before I loved you, Ben. But now I want you because I love you. Does that make sense?” Rey asked huskily, her breasts bouncing invitingly in Ben’s line of sight.

He reached out and cupped them, lifting his hips to meet Rey’s slow thrusts.

“Perfect sense.” Ben rasped, feeling ready to burst.

His beauty took pity on him, sliding down his body until she was sitting on his knees. Her eyes flickered to the snap of his trousers before meeting Ben’s heated gaze. He read the question in her eyes, and his heart began to thud wildly.

“Take them off. Please,” Ben ordered softly.

“Yes, your Majesty.” Rey whispered cheekily, thrilling at the growl that escaped Ben’s throat.

The leather trousers he wore were form fitted to his powerful thighs, and Rey playfully struggled to slide them over his hips. Taking his undergarment with them, she yanked them down forcefully releasing his thick manhood to her heated gaze. Rey studied it for a moment in awe as it sprang free, before she averted her eyes and continued with the task of removing his remaining article of clothing.

‘There’s nothing to be shy about, Rey. You are the only woman to have ever seen this. This belongs to you. I belong to you. Only you.’ Ben whispered through the Bond, his eyes boring into Rey’s intently when she finally looked up to face him.

“You are beautiful.” She said simply, her voice tender. 

The couple gazed at each a moment in silence, thoughts and images passing between them in a flurry of emotions. 

“May I try something? Do you trust me?” Rey asked timidly, her request making Ben’s eyes widen exponentially. He tried to read her thoughts but came up blank. Whatever it was she wanted to try, she was keeping it locked down in her mind.

“Yes.” Ben whispered, trusting her with not only body but his soul.

Rey slid down the bed between Ben’s open legs, lying on her stomach. Ben watched her through heavy lidded eyes, shock apparent in their depths as she began to kiss a path up his thigh while her hands and fingers caressed his legs…hips…the thicket of soft hair on his pelvis. Her fingertips grazed the heavy sac beneath his manhood gently, marveling at the softness of this most secret part of him. Ben whimpered, moving his hips to get more comfortable as Rey began to torment him in the best way possible. She cupped the base of him, rolling it gently between her warm palm while her other hand began to stroke his hardened member with a featherlike touch.

Little pants escaped Ben’s mouth and he fought a battle whether or not to lean back and close his eyes or sit up and watch what Rey was doing to him. The choice was taken out of his grasp when Rey reared up and put a strong hand upon his torso, forcing him to lay back.

"Maker..." Ben gasped out, his body shaking wildly. No hand but his own had ever touched him in such a way, and the fact that it was Rey doing so now made his brain shortcircuit. 

‘I’ve dreamed of this forever, too. You at my mercy…wanting me.’ Rey said through the Bond, shocking Ben into muteness when she lowered her lips over his erection and slid her mouth down as far as she could go. He was big; so long and thick, with veins bulging and growing larger the more she attended to him. But the silk over steel was addictive, and Rey quickly found her rhythm as she sucked him deeper. Swirling her tongue down the underside of his shaft, she bobbed up and took his tip firmly between her lips sucking firmly.

“Force help me…” Ben muttered, as he began to slowly thrust his hips upward in time with Rey’s movements. 

When Rey reached down and fondled his sac again, firmer this time, Ben nearly bolted up off of the bed.

“Rey! Gods, more.” Ben pleaded roughly, his eyes flying open when Rey lowered her body back to the bed and took him deeper into her mouth; so far that he hit the back of her throat. 

Ben reared up, his heart thundering in his chest when he saw his cock disappear in Rey’s mouth. She used her lips and tongue to bring him pleasure, her eyes watching his expression closely.

“Kriffing hell.” Ben whimpered, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight before him.

‘I’ve never done this before, but I too have…researched.” Rey admitted with her mind, her tone saucy and authorative. “Even more so in the last year.”

Ben laid back again, throwing an arm over his eyes as Rey swallowed around the head of his hardness.

Never in his life had he felt such pleasure; such communion with another soul. His gorgeous Rey was going to be the absolute death of him. He felt his release coming fast and furious, but did not want to spill in her mouth. He’d waited his whole life for this, and he wanted to share this with Rey while he was inside of her body.

“Rey…stop. I don’t want to…not yet.” Ben begged, grateful when Rey gave his shaft a final kiss and she slid up to rest her naked body against his legs while her cheek rested against his stomach. 

Ben cradled her upper body in his arms, stroking her tenderly as he settled his thunderous heart and allowed his passion to calm slightly. He was so hard that he hurt. 

“Was that…to your liking? Did I do it right?” Rey asked timidly, turning her face to meet Ben’s stunned gaze.

Ben chuckled deeply.

“Oh, Sweetheart…Any ‘righter’ and I’d be a dead man right now.” Ben said breathlessly, one hand sliding down to play with the globes of her firm bottom. He dipped his fingers between the cleft of her legs, aroused beyond belief to find her absolutely dripping.

Rey sheepishly looked up at him as he spread her wetness around her sensitive flesh.

“You…” Ben began, disbelief in his soft voice.

“I enjoyed pleasuring you.” Rey said quietly.

Ben gulped, his eyes never leaving hers.

“Rey…should I have prepared better by having protection?” Ben asked fearfully.

The idea of impregnating Rey with his child was highly appealing. But there was so much to discuss, as well as where their future was headed. He knew without a doubt that he wanted to make Rey his wife. But this was all so new for them…for her. He didn’t want to rush her or complicate matters any. 

He needn’t have worried, though, as Rey smiled at him beatifically. 

“No, Ben. It's alright. I have been implanted with birth control, thanks to your mother. She insisted before I left to find Luke. She was afraid that if I were captured by The First Order…” Rey trailed off, not wanting to elaborate.

Ben’s eyes hardened as he pictured some bastard touching his Rey. Thank the Force that hadn’t happened. The thought of one of his men touching her made him want to kill someone. But as it wasn’t an issue and Rey was safe he nodded, caressing her breast when Rey laid on her side next to him.

They fondled each other tenderly, enjoying their mounting passion when something occurred to Ben. He leaned up, staring down at Rey curiously.

“Rey…you do know that I would never have hurt you. In ANY way. Not then, and not now. Tell me that you believe that.” Ben asked, realizing abruptly that his comment to her that day during the interrogation might have been misconstrued.

Rey nodded, her cheeks pinking as she lowered her eyes.

“I…yes, Ben. I know. I knew somehow, that you wouldn’t hurt me. But…I felt guilty for so long, because I thought that you meant something else when you said you could take what you wanted. And because…if you really did, I wouldn’t have been able to stop you. You enchanted me. I had never seen anyone like you before. I was so attracted to you, despite myself.” 

Her whispered admittance stunned him.

“But…you called me a creature in a mask. I thought that I disgusted you.” He said softly, hurt coloring his tone even all of this time. 

Rey bit her lip, looking anywhere but his face.

“I was afraid, Ben. And angry. You took me against my will. But…that doesn’t change how I reacted to you. I didn’t want to feel anything for you, other than revulsion. You were not overly aggressive, but you still had the upper hand.” Rey pointed out quietly.

Ben frowned, shaking his head wildly.

“Rey…I would never. I’ve never used my powers for anything like that. I may have been a beast, and I may have been rough with male prisoners but I was never a rapist.” Ben rasped, his eyes desperate for her to believe him.

Rey reached up and caressed his brow tenderly.

“I know that, Ben.”

Ben nuzzled into her palm, his eyes never leaving hers.

“Ben…did you really think me a dirty desert rat? That day on the base?” Rey asked quietly.

The hurt look on Rey’s face made Ben’s heart ache.

“No, Rey. Never. I never thought that. I’m so sorry that I ever implied that you were. I was so frightened of you…of your light. It was clear to me that you were the one I had dreamt of for so long. When I saw you standing there in the forest…” Ben trailed off, closing his eyes. 

Rey slid closer to Ben, reaching out to stroke his hip. The action sent Ben’s eyes flying open, his gaze pinning her to the bed.

“It was like when I saw you without your mask on…when you took it off for me.” Rey said, trying to show Ben that she understood.

His eyes glittered at her in the near darkness.

“What did you feel, when I removed the mask?” Ben asked, desperate to know how she viewed him that day.

Rey’s hand trailed down his abdomen, following the trail of downy hair below his navel. He was still hard, his manhood bobbing between them enticingly. She allowed the back of her hand to caress down the length of him, marveling at his little whimpers.

“Rey…”

“I felt like I had met my destiny.” Rey said with conviction, turning her hand over and grasping his erection gently but firmly.

Ben gasped, his eyes fluttering shut. Rey lifted her leg over Ben’s, draping it across his waist and opening her up to him. Ben stroked her tender flesh, his fingers dipping into her wetness.

“Oh, Rey. I want to be inside of you.” Ben moaned, swallowing harshly when Rey ran her thumb across the slit of his tip slowly.

Not needing any further prompting, Rey laid back and pulled Ben on top of her. Taking her hands in his own, he pushed them back to rest beside her head. He hovered above her, his hips angled to hers perfectly as he held his weight off of her. Her nipples were hard against his tongue as he bent down to suckle them into his mouth. 

“Feel what you do to me,” Ben whispered into Rey's ear, sliding his cock through her wetness slowly. The action sent Rey’s blood racing through her veins.

“Oh, gods. That feels wonderful.” Rey cried, her eyes slamming shut as Ben did it again; never dipping inside but allowing her to feel his hardness. Her juices coated him as he trapped himself between her snug lips, his head tickling her clit with each pass. 

Rey tightened her legs around his hips, trapping him even firmer against her. Ben looked down to where they were joined, the sight of his hardness poking out between her legs too much to bear. He pumped his hips again, the tantalizing sight of Rey’s wetness on his shaft thrilling him.

"My god, Rey. You feel too good." Ben moaned.

"You feel better." Rey said breathlessly, her eyes glittering at Ben when he looked down into them. 

“This…might hurt.” Ben rasped, releasing Rey’s hands to cup her face. 

Rey nodded, thrusting her pelvis against his wantonly which had them both moaning.

“I know.” Rey answered, her voice high and tight. “But it will be okay.” 

Ben nodded, shuddering violently when Rey reached down and stroked his weeping tip where it rested against her.

"I belong to you, Ben." Rey whispered, tears leaking from her eyes as they studied each other.

"I belong to you." Ben countered, lowering his body to hers completely. His lips ghosted over hers, sliding down her throat to kiss her tenderly. She tasted like sunshine and home, and he would never be sated.

He thrust forward carefully, feeling every inch of Rey's body welcoming him. She was so tight and he was terrified of hurting her. But years of athletic activity had broken her hymen and made this intrusion a little easier to bear.

“My…Force. Oh.” Ben groaned, the feeling of Rey’s tight walls milking him exquisite. 

Rey ran her fingers down Ben's back gently, urging him to go faster. She had never imagined how full she could feel, both in emotion and in body. Her discomfort passed swiftly as Ben kept her attention otherwise occupied; deep, passionate kisses making her delirious with pleasure as he pumped into her slowly. Whimpers of delight escaped her as Ben hit a particularly good spot, and he reared back on his haunches to pull Rey flush against him.

"Oh!" Rey moaned helplessly, as Ben once again changed their positions and allowed Rey to take the reigns.

Her legs splayed on either side of Ben's hips, Ben began to thrust up into Rey at a torturously slow pace. She met him stroke for stroke, crying out when Ben trailed his fingers to her clit and began to sensuously stroke it.

"That's it, my Love. Take your pleasure. Take everything. You're so beautiful. Let me love you," Ben said, his voice trembling.

Rey raised herself carefully before plunging back down, engulfing Ben's hardness again and again. 

"You feel amazing. So amazing. Oh, Ben." Rey murmured, her mind opening up to Ben's completely.

He saw it all in such vivid detail; what she was feeling, how it felt. The near delirious rapture that she was experiencing at their joining and what it meant to her. He felt her heartbeat merge in his chest alongside his. Felt her unbreakable spirit soar into the atmosphere to dance upon the stars with him holding her tightly. He tasted her pleasure, rejoiced in her ecstacy, and was reborn once again. He loved this woman with every fiber of his being. They would never again be two souls. He had found his Soulmate, and the love he felt in that moment was worth everything. All of the pain and misery of his childhood...all of the grief and shame of his adulthood. Everything in his life had led to this moment. Rey's love and forgiveness had washed him clean, and he knew that somewhere Han Solo was smiling.

Han had wanted to bring his son home. Desperately. Ben hadn't realized until this moment that he had. If it weren't for Han, Ben would never have met Rey. Han had brought her right to him; right to his destiny. He wished he could take it all back; could have left with his father that day and never gave in to the darkness inside of him. It was too late now for regrets. All that he could do, was atone for them. 

The woman in his arms was his reason for living. He would do anything for her. As they raced towards completion, Ben tightened his grip on her possessively. 

"I love you, Rey. You saved me." Ben gasped, overcome with emotion.

Rey followed him over the edge, collapsing upon his chest with heavy limbs. They cried out together, holding hands as Ben kissed her with trembling lips. Joined everywhere possible, they allowed the tide to swallow them whole.

A few blissful moments passed in silence as they both came down from their high, refusing to let one another go. Ben pulled Rey's back against his chest, kissing her shoulder with infinate care as she trembled in his arms.

Ben began to drift off to sleep, overcome with love and something too big to name flourishing in his heart. He had no idea how to tame this feeling in his chest, and didn't even want to. Was this what bliss felt like? He had never before experienced it. And he knew without a shadow of a doubt, that he didn't deserve it. But still, he welcomed it. 

The room was quiet and dark, nary a sound echoing anywhere when Ben heard it. Softly whispered, through a haze of sleep.

"I didn't save you, Ben. You saved yourself. I just found you." Rey said dreamily.

Ben snuggled against Rey's back, burrowing his nose into her hair.

If only she knew...but then, he had a lifetime to show her.

"Same difference, Sweetheart. Same difference." Ben murmured, sinking into a peaceful sleep for the first time...ever.


End file.
